


nothing wrong with me

by nocturnalboys



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prison, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Modern Era, Physical Abuse, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Characters, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-07-18 09:06:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 21,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7308691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nocturnalboys/pseuds/nocturnalboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hakuryuu had spent the past five years tracking down and killing members of his mother's radical Christian church, only to be apprehended moments after her death at his hands. Uncaring, he's packed off to prison... That is, until he meets someone he thought he'd never see again.</p><p>Edit: This was my first fic and honestly not.. the best executed :,) a lot of the topics I wanted to touch on I kind of butchered and some things are more mismanaged than discussed. Besides that... my grammar skills weren't as polished as they should've been. If you haven't read this before, this is just a disclaimer that. Tbh this isn't that great :x</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ravaged. That's the only way Hakuryuu could think of to describe his body. Torn up into patches like boundaries on a map, his prosthetic clicking and fragile as he moved. In the height of his danger days, that was his form. Absolutely ravaged, raw beyond repair.

And yet, ravished. The night in particular he was remembering took place in the bathroom of a moving commuter train. He got dizzy even now, just thinking about how hard it was to stand. Keep his legs spread, for what? A slick piece of plastic. No, for that man, when they were still a team.

Three years, two surgeries, one conviction later, and Hakuryuu had never seen him again. But he finally had his mother's blood on his hands, and that was enough.

He didn't even care as he was led into the temporary holding cell behind the courtroom, chains linking his wrists, both plastic and flesh, to his ankles. He'd completed his personal mission, and who cared if he was going to rot behind bars for the rest of his life? He'd done it.

Sure, his state issued lawyer had claimed, they could examine the abuses his mother and her religious gathering had exposed him to, maybe pleade criminally insane. Or revisit the case and try to light Hakuryuu as utilizing self-defense. But he just didn't care. He had nothing on the outside.

Over the past five years, he'd killed 153 men and women. Including his own mother. Once, the man who led him to his goal might be worth fighting for his freedom. But three years ago in that train station, not an hour after he'd been screwing Hakuryuu senseless against the rattling bathroom wall, the man named Judal disappeared forever.

Since then he'd gotten colder, sure. More brutal in his methods. But he had no doubt that his mother had reclaimed Judal for her organization, so what was he to do? And even after killing her, Judal was nowhere to be found.

He was probably just dead in a ditch somewhere.

Another place, thinking this would spark tears in his eyes, but his back against the wall, chained up, he was too numb to feel the loss.

They somehow managed to convict him on drug use too, which was ridiculous because he was completely clean; it was only when Judal was around that he occasionally crossed the line. Especially since his surgeries, he wouldn't dare dream of damaging his body further.

A bizarre thought crossed his numb mind. What if they sent him to a women's prison?

No, no, the logical part of his brain chimed in, they wouldn't do that. You're too much of a man now to do that.

In fact, perhaps he just wanted to rest a little. Bask in his victory. Remembering the way that whore's face contorted just before she died was doing wonders for him, Hakuryuu managed a smile. He'd done exactly what he set out to do.

He went willingly when the officers returned to bring him to a transport van behind the courthouse. He even smiled a little for the cameras, knowing it wouldn't be pretty, but he could at least try to take pride in what he'd done, no matter how disturbed he would seem to the public.

Al Tharmen was simply a homegrown religious organization, trying to do good for the country. That's what the jurors, or anyone else for that matter, assumed. The second coming of their father, the rapture, all their fanatical jargon? Well, they were as American as the puritans, sure. What a disturbed young man Hakuryuu was, to go after a group of people clearly oh so dedicated to his well being?

America would hate him. He decided he would be better for it. The van door closed and darkness covered him.


	2. Chapter 2

He could remember the exact moment he realized his body was on fire. For a few seconds when he opened his eyes, the heat was dull and distant. He was trapped, his left arm caught under timber. Mother had said Jesus rescued those in need, always. Was the light Jesus?

His father, his brothers... And then the searing pain tore him to pieces, like a shameful child shredding a bad test.

He shot out of his nightmare as the van jumped over a bump in the road. That night still wasn't done with him... The night his mother tried to burn their house down with his family still inside. He shook his head slowly, clearing the fog from his vision, knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep again.

He was an adult. A murdering adult. He shouldn't be having nightmares anymore.

The van stopped, and, stumbling over his bound legs, he found himself pushed towards a dark, forbidding, stone complex, barred off from the city blocks with high wire fences.

The strip search, was, at best, humiliating. Pushed into a room off the reception area of the concrete tomb, Hakuryuu was poked and prodded at like never before. After jamming a gloved hand into his backside, one of the guards insinuated that they search his vagina too. Like that hadn't been closed off years ago. The most he could do was glare.

He wouldn't be caught dead trying to get snappy with these pigs yet, even if the way they were treating him was below demeaning. He tried to block out their words. Didn't want to end up in solitary or whatever bullshit they had going on on his first damn day.

Dressed again in an orange jumpsuit one or two sizes too large, he was handed a toothbrush, a comb, and a roll of toilet paper, and pushed on his way.

He was in prison, he realized, dimly. Somehow that hadn't exactly sunken in. But now, walking through these halls, rows of cells making shadows like barcodes on the concrete floor, something finally clicked. He'd been caught. He was going to spend the rest of his life in here.

Led roughly up a flight of bare metal steps, Hakuryuu finally saw something that interested him. In a cell to his right, a lithe man with dark hair bobbed his head in the lap of another, his head caught in anonymous shadow. The man pushing Hakuryuu leaned over, kicking the bars. "Knock that the fuck off."

With almost a cheeky grin, his mouth still full, the man on his knees looked up, waggling a finger at the guard before he could push Hakuryuu on.

"Damn fags." He muttered under his breath. But Hakuryuu didn't hear a thing. Gripping his prosthetic hand with the other, he tried to replay what he'd seen.

Judal. It was Judal, here. He hadn't been taken by his mother. He'd been caught, somehow, without giving Hakuryuu up. Finally shoved into a cell, his handcuffs brutally removed, Hakuryuu was torn between joy and utter confusion. Not saying a word to his three cell mates, he drifted, aimlessly, to his bare cot, simply lying down on the bottom bunk.

Judal must have qualified as being a 'male,' then. Somehow he must still be allowed his hormones in this place. When he'd been taken, Judal had been on them long enough to have the guise of a man, and while he'd still had to fuck Hakuryuu with a strapon, he was almost two inches in length. He couldn't quite remember if he'd finished transitioning... But since he was here, he must have.

His body, not to mention his heart, remembered Judal. His teammate. His, dare he admit it, friend. His legs twitched. Curling up onto a ball on his side, he wondered if Judal had seen him too, on the stairs. Would they talk again?

He was hit with a wave of jealousy. Judal had always said he wanted to do that. Get Hakuryuu's dick in his mouth. But he never could. And now he had some random felon to drool over.

"Hey? Uh... 'Scuse me? New guy?" A hand tapped on Hakuryuu's shoulder. "I mean, if you don't wanna be all talkative I get it, but I like to get to know a guy that has to see me shit and get naked."

His nerves strained, Hakuryuu rolled over on his other side, facing an oddly boyish man. He was probably older than Hakuryuu, but his face was soft, and his golden hair shone with something youthful. On his shoulder was a tattoo, slightly exposed, and he had some kind of tattered friendship bracelet wrapped around his neck. He held out a hand, smiling a little. "We use last names here. I'm Saluja."

"Ren." Hakuryuu said, a bit awkwardly, taking his hand. Prison already seemed to have too many rules. The other shook his prosthetic, seemingly undeterred. "The guy passed out above you is Amun-Ra. He makes great hooch, but he's drunk pretty much all the time. The dude over there, looking all sulky, is Cassim. No last name."

The man named Cassim gave them a potent glare. He was definitely more frightening than Saluja. Besides the fact that his jumpsuit was unzipped, the sleeves tied around his waist, he had a neck tattoo of black birds or something, and his pile of bruise-colored dreadlocks framed his face in a way that made him look furious.

Hakuryuu sat up, giving a nervous wave.

"Look at him." Cassim snapped. "You don't know what he's done. What's the use in getting all friendly?"

"I thought you weren't supposed to ask what other people did..." Hakuryuu managed. At least, that's what he learned from movies. That, and that prison was absolutely full of ass pirates.

"Nah, it doesn't matter to me." Saluja shrugged. "I was a co conspirator to planned violent rioting. And this guy right here was the other." He plopped down next to Cassim, poking his cheek. In another life, Hakuryuu could not imagine poking a convicted felon in the face. But now he was a convicted felon. He couldn't take any kind of high road.

"It was my idea." Cassim sighed, heavily. "And it would've worked too."

"Anyway, what are you in for?" Saluja prodded, his grin honestly getting a little infuriating.

"Life." Hakuryuu simply muttered, not sure how to explain he'd murdered 153 evangelical Christians.

"Fuck, looks like we've got a hard ass on our hands!" He was smiling. Why was he still smiling? Cassim rolled his eyes, putting his arm around Saluja. "He better not be a pussy. Or annoying. Or like to cause interruptions."

And that was how Hakuryuu spent his first night in men's high security prison with a pillow over his face, trying to ignore the loud sex happening less than five feet away from him.


	3. Chapter 3

He was woken from his four hours of blissful quiet sleep by a jarring alarm. He sat bolt upright, cursing under his breath. Holy shit. He quickly shielded his eyes from the bunk across from him, which conveniently seemed to be sans blankets. Where was the shower? He already felt dirty.

In all reality, he was terrified to take a shower. How many men would he have to be naked in front of? After Judal disappeared, Hakuryuu held onto his bag. The extra money in it, he knew, should be used for something worthwhile. So he went to the best back alley surgeon money could by and literally became a new man.

He sat up, running a hand over the spot where he knew his scars were, feeling the bump of surgical incision under his fingers. Ravaged.

He'd have to run into him sometime, wouldn't he? Judal. He'd at least get to tell him he'd finally succeeded. And then what? Whatever. Fuck it. He got up quietly, grabbing his toothbrush and the toilet paper, taking his prosthetic off at the artificial nerves for the shower. He couldn't risk damaging the false arm, even a little. His stump tingling, he joined the other inmates flooding from the newly opened cells into the catwalk.

This was it. Not knowing if he was only paranoid, or if the other men were actually watching him undress, he balled up his clothes. Years ago, it would have been his wildest dream to be stark naked in a room full of naked, muscular men. Now he could only pray that none of them would notice his slim build and numerous surgical marks, not to mention the burn scars eating up his body.

Miraculously, no one seemed to mind him. Keeping his eyes solidly on the floor, he washed up. What was it they said not to do? Don't drop the soap?

Next was breakfast. He wasn't sure where to get more clothes from, so he got dressed again in the jumpsuit he'd been given. Wasn't anyone going to give him an orientation? He hadn't seen too many guards around anyway.

Suddenly, there he fucking was. Across the open seating area, which reminded Hakuryuu of a stark middle school cafeteria, Judal was just choosing his seat. It was him, unmistakably. Hakuryuu felt choked, like the world was freezing, like he was inhaling liquid nitrogen.

Ignoring the forming line by the kitchens, Hakuryuu allowed his legs to move under him. Judal.

He looked up at him, his mahogany eyes taking in the scars, the stump, his rumpled jumpsuit. Slowly, Judal stood up, saying nothing. "So you're here too," he hissed, "bastard. Mother fucker. Didn't come looking for me. How long would that have taken?" His voice radiated poison.

Was this the wrong choice? Somehow, stupidly, Hakuryuu had pictured something different. Maybe a hug? A question or two? But no, this was Judal. And before he could open his mouth, Judal was moving.

He fell back, the small of his back hitting the table behind him. Judal grabbed his collar, hitting him again. "I trusted you." He hissed into his ear. "I had faith in you."

"Why don't... You go suck some prison cock then?" Hakuryuu finally retaliated, pushing Judal roughly off him. "Do you want a fight?" The guards were looking now. "Go ahead, hit me again! A cripple!" He waved his stump.

"I know what you're capable of, Hakuryuu." Judal sneered, his nose turning up. Suddenly, Hakuryuu hated that nose. He hated that face. How dare Judal accuse him of abandonment, when he'd been the one hurting all this time?

The next thing he knew, two guards were pulling him back off Judal, who was bleeding clearly in several places. Good riddance, Hakuryuu thought, locking eyes with him as rough hands tugged him away.


	4. Chapter 4

The subway tunnel flickered, each and every grimy tile caught in the subterranean glow. Hakuryuu walked carefully, every step planned. The long knife in his pocket already felt heavy. The man he was following didn't seem to notice... Yet.

There was another person just behind him. This had never happened before. Usually, when he recognized a mark, he was able to corner them without anyone seeing. What would he do if his shadow was persistent? He took a quick peek behind.

A young man not much taller than he was kept a leisurely stroll behind him, his hands shoved in the pockets of his tattered jeans. He looked almost as homeless as Hakuryuu, except his hair was gleaming, pulled back into a loose braid that shone like crow's feathers. He caught Hakuryuu's eyes, giving a lazy grin. "I would almost wonder what a kid is doing so far back in these maintenance tunnels."

He was struck with irrational anger. "I'm not a kid! I'm seventeen. That's basically an adult."

"Lucky I'm only a year older than you. If I were any older..." He trailed off, grinning again. What the hell was his problem? He was just having a normal conversation, like Hakuryuu wasn't about to knife the man they were both evidently trailing in the throat.

He rolled his eyes, continuing on. "Hey, wait!" The man grabbed the sleeve of his tattered hoodie. "We're both after the same thing, huh? They hurt you?" He reached out, tracing the burn on his face with one pale, cold finger. "They fuckin hurt me too. I'm Judal, by the way."

"Hakuryuu." He muttered softly. Fuck. Was this guy going to want to tag along now? He probably had no idea what he was going. He'd ruin this. He'd get them caught.

He laughed, almost gleefully. "What a cute name. Come on, I'll show you how it's done."

Hakuryuu found himself astonished how little help the other man needed. With a simple twist of the black silk sash he pulled from one of his pockets, the man was unconscious, head lolling. The sounds of a musician playing somewhere else in the tunnels drifted over them as Hakuryuu made slits in his throat, the saxophone far away coming as though from underwater. Together, they lifted up a grate, dumping the body down with a splash of finality.

"I guess we're in this together now, huh?"

Hakuryuu's stomach turned. "No. No no no, I never said that. I do this alone."

"Are you sure? A pretty boy like you could use some help, I bet. Safety in numbers. Come on, this thing's going to happen anyway."

His smirk coaxed Hakuryuu out of staunch refusal. "I'll let you tag along." He sighed, lowering his head. "But that's all. Don't you try getting close to me."

"Is that a challenge?" Judal teased.

He clenched his flesh and blood hand, hard. "You know it isn't!"

"No. I don't know." This time, it seemed like he was feigning innocence. What was his damage?

In the cold subway bathroom, Hakuryuu washed the spots of blood off his hands. Judal lounged nearby, playing with the end of his braid. "What do you say we celebrate?"

Hakuryuu looked up, startled. "Celebrate how?" He asked, cautiously.

He beckoned him with one finger. "C'mere and find out, will you, Hakuryuu?"

Hearing his name said in such a silky way made his guts tighten. He knew, in his heart of hearts, he was probably going to regret this. And yet, something about Judal made his spine tingle. He stepped closer, trying to avert his eyes, his scar tissue deepening in color.

Maybe he wanted to be kissed. The last kiss he'd gotten was from his mother, on the forehead. Judal, one hand on his cheek, caressing his scars, was kissing him on the lips. And what a kiss it was. His knees buckled, shocked at the sudden return of human contact after weeks of wandering alone.

Clumsily, he kissed back, Judal making a noise in his throat. Hakuryuu wanted touch, more than anything. He didn't even know what he was missing. Feeling Judal's hand on his waist, he pressed into him. What could possibly be more romantic than a murder and a good makeout?

It wasn't until Hakuryuu had most of Judal's tongue in his mouth that he felt his nipples ache in his binder. Judal's hand was already under his hoodie... What would he do if he found it?

Suddenly, Judal broke their kiss. Panting slightly, Hakuryuu moved to wipe his mouth, but Judal caught his hand, tugging it upwards to feel something under his shirt.

Oh. Delicately, he traced the scar. What if he got caught tomorrow and never got laid? A stupid thing to worry about. This state didn't even have a death penalty, did it? And yet he felt himself surrender, leaning up to kiss his jaw and his cheek and his lips again.

They were in public. He almost forgot that, but Judal remembered, tugging them into a stall. "Hakuryuu~" He cooed, pulling off his hoodie and grabbing the sides of his binder. Knowing he would understand, he simply leaned back and raised his arms, allowing Judal to remove the confining fabric.

A loud whimper forced itself out of him. He couldn't look, but he arched his chest, Judal's teeth and tongue assaulting one nipple as he squeezed the other gently with his thumb and forefinger.

Hakuryuu squirmed against the door, feeling tears prick in his eyes. This was his only good pair of underwear left for the week, and they were already sticky and hot. He was practically leaking...

He yelped, his head lolling back against the door. He couldn't let this happen. Pushing Judal away, he got on his knees, making an embarrassing whine when the other grabbed his hair. He was crying now, for sure. He could feel the salt burning his cheeks, but his tears weren't from pain or discomfort. In fact, the opposite; too much pleasure.

He pulled down his pants, unsure what he'd find. Judal's clit was swollen, dripping, but hardly an inch in length. Grabbing his hips, Hakuryuu inched forwards, closing his eyes and sucking. It felt so hard on his tongue... Judal gripped his hair, moaning deeply. "Pretty boy knows how to suck, huh? Come on, show me your best."

He'd never gotten this close to another person before. All he could do was nod, wrapping his lips around it.

"Hm... Shit, Hakuryuu~ Stop." Judal pulled his head off. Hakuryuu gasped, blinking, dizzy.

And then he was sobbing in pleasure, Judal's fingers rubbing his clit, his lips, everything. He wanted to beg, but he couldn't find the words; instead, he clung to Judal, panting and moaning, pressing his hips closer. His stomach was on fire. A good fire.

He kissed teasingly up towards his ear before moving back to his neck. When was release? Hakuryuu choked. "I-I c-can't do this! Fuck me, fuck me..." He begged, weakly. "Fuck me Judal." He knew he was going to want to die of embarrassment after this...

Judal slipped three fingers into him at once, curling them. "Hakuryuu, come for me." He rasped, his eyes flickering.

Pathetically, Hakuryuu obeyed, his body clamping down like a vice. He'd squirted, he realized, coming down from his high. He couldn't wear these anymore. Judal was cleaning up, licking his own fingers covered in Hakuryuu's come. As their eyes met, he smirked devilishly, leaning forwards to kiss him passionately.

It was gross, he thought dimly, to taste himself on Judal's lips, but he didn't taste all that bad. He reached down, his hand finding Judal's clit, stroking it tenderly. With a harsh grunt, Judal seized up. "Hah... We need a shower." He snickered. "How about we con our way into a hotel?"

Which they did.

Hakuryuu looked up, his jaw aching from Judal's blows. The warden, he presumed, crossed his arms across the hard desk. He was quite tall, with a mass of gray hair, and a long nose.

"I understand," he rumbled, "no one gave you proper orientation. You may think you can slip through the cracks and get away with fights, but you can't. Not in my prison. I am Warden Mogamett. Let me get one thing straight, Inmate Ren. You may be small and pathetic, but I do not find you adorable. I despise your kind. You'll receive a job assignment later this week, along with laundry tags."

He pushed a box over the table. "Here's your first cigarette ration. I catch you in one more fight, it'll be solitary for you."

His mouth dry, Hakuryuu stared at the box. Sure, he'd snorted a few things in his time. But he was surprised to find he'd never actually smoked a cigarette with nicotine in it. "I understand." He mumbled, taking the box and tucking it in his jumpsuit.


	5. Chapter 5

It was yard time next, apparently. Hakuryuu hadn't stood in the nippy March air for more than a few seconds before a hand clapped him eagerly on the back. "Hey there, Ren!" His cell mate grinned. "Your nose sure has seen better days. Doesn't look broken though. You stood your ground pretty well against that guy. I mean, what was his damage, anyway?"

Hakuryuu blinked, nodding. "I mean. I did my best was all." He shivered a little, having never been one for the cold. "Fuck. It's cold."

"Booze always warms me up, but something tells me our cell mate is occupied right now." Saluja rolled his eyes. "That's him, over there." He pointed, and Hakuryuu easily traced the path to a corner of the brick and mortar yard to where Amun-Ra chatted with several other large men. One of them didn't look like he belonged there at all, his silky, wine-colored hair tossed over one shoulder in a ponytail.

The longer he looked at the man, the more Hakuryuu's stomach clenched. What was so attractive about him? Was it the tan, almost beach-bronzed skin? Eyes like gold coins? The satisfying bulge of muscle in his arms and torso? His face hot, he tore his eyes away, hardly registering Saluja's laughter. "Oh yeah, Sinbad over there has that effect on everyone. He was some kind of kingpin before he got stuck in here with the rest of us... To be honest, he's got most of the guards wrapped around his finger, and even the gang leaders around here listen to him. He's really something, huh?"

Hakuryuu weakly nudged him. "Better not let your boyfriend hear you say that."

At that, the other man scowled and looked away. "Hey, are you insinuating I'm not faithful? Besides, we don't really have a label on it."

"Sure. Okay. Where is he, anyway?"

"Cass is at his work detail right now. He does laundry for a good part of the day." He sighed heavily. "It gets sorta lonely without him. If you wanna be friends and shit, my first name is Alibaba. But Cass usually just calls me Ali, so..." He grinned shyly, and damn if Hakuryuu's chest didn't warm a little at the sight.

"It's nice to make your acquaintance." He said politely, bowing a little. "I'm Hakuryuu, but you can just call me Haku. Or Ren is fine." Anyone calling him by his full name automatically reminded him of Judal.

"Great! Hey Ren, whaddaya got here?" Before he could make a single move to block him, Alibaba already had a hand in his pocket, slipping out the untouched pack of cigarettes with the ease of reeling in a fish. "You don't smoke? You can get tons of stuff by trading these with Sinbad and his buddies. I usually get porn, but whatever floats your boat."

Was he that good at stealing? He hadn't noticed his pocket was empty until he saw the package in Alibaba's hands, and even so... To steal something like that in plain sight. "Uh. I'll think about what I want." He said simply, taking the box back.

"If you're not into anything hard, you can just ask for candy! Even fruit and stuff he can probably get in here. Don't be shy, when you're ready just go."

He wasn't sure he'd ever be ready to talk to that guy. "Like I said, I'll think about it." He mumbled. "So, what else is there to do around here?"

"They usually give you a job, like mopping or fixing wires or pipes." He waved a hand. "It's bullshit, cause you only get like a nickle every hour you work. There's a library, but all the books are old and not that many people here are into reading anyway. Sometimes they do religious ceremonies. You religious?"

Hakuyuu pointedly shook his head. "No I am not."

Maybe he was, once. As a child, the idea of a savior, someone who would protect and listen to him, seemed almost glamorous. But after the pain he'd experienced at her hands, after learning his mother's true feelings and plans, not to mention what she'd done to Judal too? Religion was a tool, he decided, people could use to influence others, and nothing more.

"Yeah," he snorted, "me either. We also get some rec time in a weight room, but only guys that suck up to Sinbad actually get time with the weights. In fact, you can get a lot of things by licking that guy's boots. Even like, better cafeteria food. The guy that's like, his prison wife? I'm positive he even gets to take a shower in a different room."

"Uh, which one is that?"

"He's got really bleached hair, kind of shorter? Freckles? Annoyed looking? His name is Ja'far, I think he was with Sinbad before they got caught. He ran like, a gambling pool or a hire-for-kill type of thing."

He looked kind of bored, Hakuryuu noted. "What a lucky guy." He said, without really meaning to.

"Oh?" Alibaba's face twisted into a sly grin. "Is Sinbad your type?"

"No, n-no!" Hakuryuu shook his head quickly. "I meant, he's lucky to get special treatment. That's all."

"So, what are you into? Men? Women?"

Why was he asking him this? Well, friendly conversation wasn't something Hakuryuu had engaged in for a while. Maybe this was just how it worked here. "Both I guess?" He mumbled.

"Well, that's good, cause we don't even have any lady guards. We haven't for a while, the Warden refuses to hire em. So besides porn, if you're looking for company, it's gonna have a dick."

He nodded. "I'll uh... I'll keep that in mind." Maybe in another life he would've gone for a guy like Ali. He seemed energetic and optimistic... The kind of guy you could have a spontaneous adventure with. And judging from what Hakuryuu heard last night, he was pretty talented in bed. But he just couldn't think now.

Hakuryuu's mind felt like a loose cog, rattling around and around in a machine that just wouldn't stop. If he tried to think hard about one thing or another, it just wouldn't stick. He wondered when he would be able to focus again... Especially now that he's fought with Judal. Maybe he deserved it. But it just wasn't fair. They were both stuck here now, weren't they?

"Just stick with me for a while, okay? I'll make sure nothing too rough happens to you." He sounded so earnest, Hakuryuu couldn't deny him. "I will. Thank you." He managed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. i know this would totally never happen in canon but like. creative liberty you know? enjoy this chapter. or skip it haha it's just my personal fantasy  
> like seriously its just shameless & as an sga trans boy its just my guilty pleasure to write things like this sometimes !!

The rest of the day, Hakuryuu had no choice but to listen to Alibaba talk, mostly about nothing at all. After missing breakfast the way he did, he was starving by lunchtime, and didn't care much that his hamburger tasted more like pressboard than food. Alibaba watched him eat with a kind of revulsed awe. "Man, I've eaten worse," he'd muttered, "but never so fast."

It was a bit annoying, but hearing him rattle on touched a bit of the boy Hakuryuu used to be. Sensitive. Friendly. Naive. But what was done was done; it was the cost he'd paid to achieve his goal. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried...

Stupid Hakuryuu, worrying about his humanity.

He even followed Alibaba to his work detail, watching as he tried and failed to fix a printer for a good part of the afternoon. Eventually, his hands covered in ink, his hair standing up a little from electricity, he called it a day. "I'll try again tomorrow, but for now, I think it beat me." He sighed, washing his hands in the weak, lukewarm water flowing from the washroom sink.

Hakuryuu looked up, into a smoothed plate of metal. In what must have been their poor excuse for a mirror, he saw himself fully for the first time in a while. He looked exhausted, he realized, both eyes sunken, his nose slightly swollen and his lip bleeding. His hair hung in limp strands around his face, like an oil spill. "Hey, don't worry!" Ali poked his cheek with a wet finger. "You look pretty cute, for your first day. I was a mess when I got here. Mostly because I had the shit beat out of me."

"How long have you been here?"

"Ah, six months? Give or take a few weeks?"

Dinner was an equally disgusting affair, which Hakuryuu still managed to wolf down. He hadn't seen Judal again all day. Did he get sent to solitary? It would be his own damn fault, anyway. For this meal, they were joined by Cassim, who mostly grumbled things about the unfairness of the American justice system and pushed his watery noodles around on his plate.

"This is exactly the kind of thing we were trying to change... The institutionalization of the poor... It's a system, Ali, a system!" He would say, to which Alibaba would give him a sympathetic nod or a pat on the back.

Hakuryuu felt vaguely amused by this, as real as the man's concerns were. Sure, he'd committed murder, but couldn't anyone see all of them deserved it?

He still found himself looking for Judal as everyone headed back to their cells. What he did find, however, was Sinbad, a few steps behind him. Inexplicably, when their eyes met, the man grinned. Almost like he knew something... Hakuryuu quickly faced front, his face burning. He felt like that guy could tell what he wanted before he wanted it, like he was just that kind of person.

This time around, Amun-ra was conscious by the time the cell doors closed. He reached under his pillow, grabbing a plastic baggie full of maroon liquid. "Anyone want a taste? What about you, newbie?"

Cassim simply grumbled, waving him off. Alibaba shrugged. "Eh. Maybe later. I can't drink when there's stuff on my mind."

However, Hakuryuu, who had never tried prison hooch, was feeling a little curious. "Can I try some?" The other man passed down the bag, grinning. "Go easy. This stuff is hard."

After a few admittedly large gulps, Hakuryuu decided he'd absolutely had enough. He shook his head, passing it back. "I-I think I'm done for now." The other man tossed his head back and laughed. "More for me then!"

Hakuryuu felt... Odd. Whereas with normal liquor he would feel like, maybe a little tingly, this made him feel slow and sluggish, like melting wax. He slumped in his bunk, rubbing his eyes as the alcohol burned in his stomach. A few feet away, Alibaba had finally got Cassim calmed. "We're gonna file that lawsuit, okay? Eventually, I promise." He soothed, taking his hands.

"With what fucking money?" He grumbled, a little more half heartedly. "The peanuts they pay us for hours of hard labor?"

"Hey, hey... Shush, okay? We'll get there."

"Who will protect our family in the meantime?"

"Our whole community, Cass. We can't fight this this way anymore." Hakuryuu watched as Alibaba took Cassim gently by the hand. "We're getting out in a year. That'll give us time."

"But, I-" Ali silenced him with a kiss, snickering as he struggled to get away. Hakuryuu smiled too. He was part of the joke, right? How much of that stuff did he even drink?

Too late. And now, instead of fighting, they were both kissing. From the top bunk, Amun-ra whistled loudly. "Get some!" Hakuryuu couldn't help but try to whistle too, only nothing came out.

He'd never had such front seat tickets to another person's sexual exploits. Even last night, he could only hear what was going on. But now everything was getting to him, Alibaba's panting filling the small cell. He hummed, low, moving into Cassim's touch as his hands stroked his chest. It was like he knew every inch, Hakuryuu thought, watching him dip his fingers over the edge of Ali's tattoo, curling them under his tattered necklace.

"Cass..." He rasped, his voice barely audible. "Hn~" It was like a car crash; Hakuryuu couldn't look away as Alibaba grabbed one of his hands, pressing it in his crotch. Cassim pulled back, biting his lip. "Payback time, Ali. I couldn't walk right all morning. How do you think they took that on laundry crew?" Alibaba nodded, his face dark. "G-give me what I deserve Cass..."

Muttering profanities, Cassim dipped his head to abuse Alibaba's neck, one arm tight around him as he squirmed and groaned.

Hakuryuu felt... Wrong. And the heat in his stomach told him he felt right. Why did he try to drink so much of that stuff, anyway? For the novelty?

He was drawn back to attention at the sight of Cassim's naked torso. He was covered in tattoos Hakuryuu didn't even notice yesterday, from the name 'Mariam' on his ribs, to a huge scale of Justice over his heart. Alibaba pulled the zipper as far as it could go, Cassim wiggling out of the rest on his own and pulling the other fully into his lap.

Hakuryuu thought he heard Cassim slip an 'I love you' in between the curses, but his head also felt like it was full of water, so he wasn't quite sure.

Cassim reached backwards under the mattress, pulling out a bottle. "This cost me four packs of cigarettes, you better deserve it." He murmured, to which Alibaba ground their hips together. He moved fluidly, like a dancer, until they were both panting, Cassim's hands going to his hips to hold him there.

The rest was almost a blur as Hakuryuu fell deeper into intoxication. It seemed like he spent a good ten minutes stripping and prepping Alibaba, who writhed and gasped and purred cheekily in his lap. Hakuryuu was aching. He missed this, he realized.

He was not prepared to see Cassim fully unclothed. What at first he thought was a trick of his mind was, in fact, a silver barbel curved through his dick. Alibaba took it, bending down to swallow it almost whole with one dip of the head.

Hakuryuu squirmed, finally zipping down his own jumpsuit and pushing a hand into his cheap grey briefs, rubbing hard at his base, where his clit was still buried. He needed something, dammit.

He was also not prepared to see Cassim grab him again, twisting, pulling his body until he could yank him down backwards into his lap. Alibaba let out a husky cry, his body stiffening and taught as Cassim rose to his knees, bending him straight over and pressing his face into the mattress.

"Cass, C-Cass oh god your- Nhh~!" His eyes were glazed ore, his back arching and shaking as Cassim drove mercilessly into him. Cassim, Hakuryuu noticed, was clearly trying very hard not to be loud, his teeth sunken into his lip, his eyes squeezed shut.

He rubbed himself harder, his gut burning from the drink and unsated arousal. Alibaba was actively trying to rock backwards into him now, harsh slaps filling up the room. "Cass m-make me cum... Please-"

"N-no, no fucking way, not yet, I'm not done with you yet." Cassim grunted, leaning over him at a steeper angle. Alibaba nearly whimpered, but caught himself, pressing his face down harder. "T-that's it, oh... GOD CASSIM YES." His voice got impossibly louder. "CASSIM HOLY FUCK IM GON-" He gasped for breath.

"I c-can't hold on~" He finally whimpered, jerking upwards and shooting clear onto his own chest. Cassim pulled out of him, letting his body drop, twitching.

Hakuryuu wasn't sure why exactly Cassim was looking at him like that. He pushed his deadlocks out of his face. "Hey. Newbie." He rasped. "We never gave you a proper welcome."

Well shit. Sober, this would not be on his menu. But exhausted and horny, lost in a boozy dream world? He forced himself up, stumbling the couple feet to the other bed.

He wasn't sure how he got pressed up on the wall exactly, or when Cassim put his fingers in, but God, they were warm, and long too. Moaning softly, he tried to spread his legs. He could play Judal's game. Go to prison and get someone else's dick? To drunk Hakuryuu, this seemed a fantastic plan.

It felt... Weird. He squirmed as Cassim pushed into him, the metal barbel rubbing up against some very sensitive places. Hakuryuu pressed his hand over his mouth, hoping that would be enough, but when Cassim pressed his hot, firm chest into his back, his hips snapping inside him, the whimpers just wouldn't stop coming.

Would Alibaba be okay with this? He wondered, vaguely. He didn't want to lose the only friend he'd made so far. But he didn't look like he cared much, and this kind of 'welcome' more than satisfied Hakuryuu.

"Cum inside me, p-please..." He huffed weakly. He always told Judal to, just so he could pretend, but for once he wanted to feel what it was actually like. Cassim held him a little tighter, roughly jerking up inside him. That did it; Hakuryuu cried out, his vision flickering.

Vaguely, as he drifted back, he could feel himself suddenly filling with something hot and slick, backing up and dripping down his thighs. He flushed, hiding his face. He actually did it... At least he could shower tomorrow morning.

Alibaba chuckled, sitting up and catching him when he slumped off the wall in a heap. "That's the only time you'll get to borrow him. Hope you liked it." He grinned. "Cassim is mine, even if we don't have a label."

He nodded dumbly, his legs starting to feel numb, his hips aching. "Gotta sleep..." He slurred, hardly forming the words. And then he was out, like a snuffed candle.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway, if you got this far, my name is jamie! this is the first fanfiction i've ever written so thank you for bearing with me if you're reading this. 
> 
> I feel a little obligated to give warning for triggers that will come up in the future, not necessarily in this chapter! things like needles and occasional transphobia! i also want to say, when it comes up, that if you're taking hormones, you shouldn't really share them with anyone, and go to a doctor to find your correct dose! 
> 
> thank you for reading :)

The next morning, Hakuryuu woke up in his own cold bed. His head ached. His hips felt splintered, somehow, and his legs numb to his knee caps. And when he tried to sit up, a stream of something wet spurted out of him.

What the fuck did he do to himself? He vaguely remembered Cassim's... Welcome. Oh well. Now, he and Alibaba were snuggled up, Alibaba pressing sleepy kisses into his neck. Hakuryuu slowly forced himself up, holding the blanket around himself.

From the bunk above him, Amun-ra hooted with laughter. "Usually watching those lovebirds is good enough material for me, but boy. I did not expect that. Mind what he said; That's probably going to be all of Cassim you'll ever get. He's protective, and they're mostly exclusive, which is really hard in this place."

Hakuryuu couldn't find any words, so he just nodded. Insane. He didn't think he could go any lower, but his body was even more wrecked than usual. Making sure his arm at least still worked, he pulled on some new underwear when the alarm sounded. He had to shower now, before he made even more of a mess of himself.

Unsure how to clean himself discreetly, he put his back to the shower wall, trying to relax and let whatever was inside just drip out.

Unfortunately, someone had already spotted him. Judal pushed closer, his face hard and eyes slit. His nose had a bandage over it. "So, this is what you spent my fucking money on?" He looked down at Hakuryuu's chest, taking in the scars before looking further. "Not bad, for a little shit." He spat, bitter.

Judal was clearly still getting his shots... He was actually almost normal sized now. Hakuyuu forced his gaze up. Been there, done that. "I've got a few inches on you." He said, cooly.

"You know what? Fuck off." His eyes were guarded, Hakuryuu noticed. What was up with that? Judal turned, moving a few steps away.

Hakuryuu shot out his good hand, grabbing his shoulder. "Wait, Judal." He said, a little softer. "If you wanna hate me forever... I deserve it. Yeah. But there's something I wanna tell you."

A withering look on his face, Judal turned back to face him. "Yes?"

"I did it. They got me but... But I did it. I have her blood on my hands."

Judal blinked, slowly. "Oh. Fuck. I..." He almost looked like he was going to say something more, but he simply shook his head, twisting away and vanishing from sight.

At least he didn't want to fight again, Hakuryuu thought. It could have gone worse.

He finished washing up, praying that Alibaba and Cassim wouldn't hate him after that whole disaster. Although, now that he realized how much he missed getting touched... Nope. He would not think about that anymore. Not on his life.


	8. Chapter 8

Hakuryuu had barely picked up his tray of applesauce(?) and dry waffles, and was in the process of limping towards Ali and Cassim when a troupe of guards reopened the door, pushing one more prisoner inside.

He seemed a little too young to be there, Hakuryuu thought absently. His hair was long, like he'd never had it cut. Smiling, the boy, perhaps 17, headed for Alibaba. "Hey, I'm back!" He called, skipping over to sit at their table.

Hakuryuu sat, side eying the boy as Alibaba pulled him into a hug. "Al! I almost thought you wouldn't come back this time!"

"Oh no, I always come back." Said the other, cryptically. "Who is this?" He smiled up at Hakuryuu.

"Ah, just a new guy. His name's Hakuryuu." Cassim waved a hand, acting a little too nonchalant in Hakuryuu's opinion.

"Well, it's really nice to meet you!" The kid beamed. "I'm Aladdin but you can call me Al if you want. We can be friends!"

Was he in prison? Or high school? A little dazed, Hakuryuu shrugged. "Uh. Sure."

"Yay!" He reached up, clutching a cheap tin whistle hanging from a string around his neck.

He was baffled. What was this kid doing here and not frolicking in a meadow somewhere? He didn't have the guise of a hardened criminal, nor the shiftiness Alibaba sometimes exuded, nor Cassim's fierce gaze.

He saw Judal's back across the room. He'd get to talk to him again eventually.


	9. Chapter 9

Alibaba poked at the copy machine, sighing. Damn thing. Being on electrical was shit, and after breakfast Hakuryuu got snapped up by the cafeteria crew. He was alone.

He fiddled with his necklace, knitting the red string into bundles, twisting a few of the beads. He'd never take it off. Not as long as he lived.

It had been a scorchingly hot day, the tar of the roof dripping and melting in little waxy globs. Still, Alibaba sat on the edge, swinging his feet, watching the soccer game in the alley below. He'd been deemed 'too good' to play, since his team kept beating Cassim's, so he'd climbed up the nearest low building to watch from there.

But where was Cassim? Holding the edge of the roof, Alibaba peered down, but couldn't spot him.

"It wasn't fun without you playing anymore." Cassim grouched, plopping down on the sticky roof next to him. "I'd rather just sit up here." Alibaba's heart warmed at that. "Well, it was no fun just watching either." He grinned. "I'm glad you're here."

Cassim rolled his eyes, but his little cheeks still darkened. "Yeah..." He looked over the next few houses, to where a tree struggled to grow from between sidewalk cracks. Alibaba knew he liked to just think sometimes. At least, when they weren't getting into trouble.

"So..." Cassim stuck a grubby hand into the pocket of his shorts, pulling something out. "I made this." He mumbled, pressing it into Alibaba's hand. "It's a friendship bracelet. So you'll always remember who your best friend is."

Alibaba's hand closed on the long red string, peppered with assorted beads and shiny bits. He grinned, tying it on around his neck, most of it dangling against his chest. "Like this?"

Cassim nodded proudly. "Like that!"

Alibaba smiled to himself, his hand dropping from the string. Right. Cass was his. What would he say if he were helping? He tried to put himself in Cassim's mindset.

In a little over an hour, the copier was working right again. Tired out completely, Alibaba wiped his face, plopping down at his table before the supervising officer could say a word. His strained legs weren't doing him any favors.

Before this, he could run. In fact, he was faster than Cassim. But since there was no track, and Sinbad always gave the treadmill in the gym to one of his people, Alibaba wasn't sure he could keep up with anyone anymore. At least he got his nightly exercise.

That's the first thing he would do, he decided, putting his arms behind his head. He'd go for a long run. And he'd make Cassim run too.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mostly just pwp but some plot? haha enjoy

"I can't believe you actually did it!" Alibaba snorted, pushing into Cassim's shoulder. "I know we were both totally plastered but... How long has it been in for, three weeks?"

"Give or take." Cassim grumbled, not so amused. "At the time, it seemed like an awesome idea, okay?"

"Better not let your sister find out!" Alibaba hooted, jostling him almost off the sidewalk. "This is great. Really fucking great. Where are we going, anyway?"

Cassim grunted, crossing his arms. His hair was getting longer, the dreadlocks reaching his mid back. It made his face look a little more handsome... Alibaba flushed. What the fuck. "I was just thinking we could pick up some beer and keep working on our plans. Doesn't really matter where." The young man sighed, his eyes dimming a little.

Their plans. Right. Alibaba tugged nervously on his rope. For the children, out here on the streets late at night. They were those kids once. They still were. "How about up on that parking garage on Avenue B?"

"Sounds fine with me." They passed the twisted tree, which had somehow forced its way further out of the crumbling sidewalk. If that tree could outgrow its roots, then so could they, right?

With sufficient alcohol acquired, they headed for the highest level of the garage, a good five stories off the ground. "It's a nice night." Alibaba broke their comfortable silence, looking out at the buildings, the soft glow radiating in the humid air.

Cassim smiled, softly. A rare thing these days. "Yeah. It is real nice."

He hopped up, sitting on the ledge. "Come on Cass, sit with me!" He patted the place beside him. Cassim climbed up with him, their arms brushing slightly.

Alibaba flinched, a prickle of heat running over his arm. He'd been thinking about Cassim a lot. More than girls. Too much. He reached up to tug on his cord, instinctively. "What about the beer?"

"Eh. I don't feel like drinking that much. Do you?"

He made a face, shrugging. "You know I can't when there's stuff on my mind. Maybe we should leave the pack here for somebody else."

Cassim didn't reply, but he looked... Proud, somehow.

"Hey, don't think I forgot about that thing!" Alibaba teased.

"Wait, what thing?"

"You know! The thing! The dare!" It came out before he even really knew what hit him. "I wanna see it. Come on, ain't like I've never seen the rest before. Prove you did it!"

For a good few minutes, it seemed like Cassim was just ignoring him. And then he looked at Alibaba, pointedly. "Are you sure?"

"Uh. Why wouldn't I be? Come on, I wanna see what it looks like!"

Cassim bit the inside of his cheek before hopping back off the ledge and yanking his jeans down. "Happy?" He mumbled.

He was. But also mildly confused. "So uh, what were you thinking about just now?" He asked, unable to tear his eyes off the silver piercing, like a stainless steel cherry on the tip of a half-hard sundae. Did he have that the whole time, Alibaba wondered, and was it even okay for him to be staring like this? He could feel his cheeks getting red.

"Nothing." Cassim simply muttered, yanking them back up.

"That's a big fucking nothing." Alibaba rolled his eyes. "A real enigma."

"Shut the fuck up." Cassim snapped. Leaning on the ledge, he crossed his arms, looking away.

"Hey, you know what?" He said, a little softer. "I'll let you dare me into some shit now. Like a tattoo. Somewhere kinda visible, like my shoulder. Wanna do that?"

"Sure I guess. Why don't you get something stupid, like... Like a tiger. And the tiger is on fire. And it's got Donald Trump's face."

"Fuck no, are you kidding?" Alibaba laughed. "Nope. You couldn't pay me to do that. At least your thing is kinda cool. I'd have to have a Donald Trump chimera on my shoulder forever."

"Maybe you could get something to match me then." He said, in a more serious tone. "You know, my scales? You could get a heart or a feather."

"Oh like that whole underworld judgment thing?" He shrugged. "Yeah. I could go for that." And he wanted to match with him.

Cassim looked up. "Hey, speaking of Justice... What we're doing. It's gonna change things, right?" He scooted a little closer, taking Cassim's much larger hand. "Yeah. Of course it's gonna change things." He said, evenly. "Finally someone is gonna give a shit about us. Someone's gonna care."

Cassim nodded slowly. "That's right. Someone's gonna have to give a shit."

Alibaba slid off the ledge, letting go of Cassim's hand. His passion was honestly invigorating. His determination...

Flushing again, he stopped where he stood. He felt dizzy, like he was standing on top of the Brooklyn Bridge, looking down at the water. If Cassim would just- no! He rubbed his temples, turning back to face him. This was wrong. He wasn't even drunk, and he was sure it wasn't a dream.

"This is like, way less important, but Cass?"

"Yeah?"

"Are there any girls around here? That you like?"

He squinted at him. "No. What kind of fucking question is that?"

"Cause I don't know. Sometimes when I think about being your best friend, I can see it like, forever." The clamps in his jaw came a little unhinged. "More than that. I think about being yours, totally. I just can't see anything else anymore, you gotta understand!" He could see Cassim's pupils blowing up. He had to stop saying this, but he couldn't. "I-I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't think there's anything wrong. I guess what I'm trying to say is... When I wasn't paying attention, I kinda fell in love. With you." He finished quietly, backing away.

"Do you know what you're saying, Ali?" Cassim answered, his voice oddly low. "You can take that back. You don't have to-"

Alibaba had kissed a few chicks before. Never anyone taller than him. Never a boy, and never someone he had actual feelings for. But somehow it came easy, like falling into a coffin just his size. He closed the space in two quick steps, and with one hand on Cassim's chest, the other behind his neck, he dragged him down into a kiss.

He didn't know it would feel so good. How long had this been in the making? How much longer could he have spent waiting, to feel Cassim hold him, to have the heat leap between their lips like a spark. He closed his eyes and kissed him. And kissed him. And when he felt his hands gently curl under his necklace, he knew he was kissing his best friend, and that didn't feel wrong at all.

He wasn't stopping, not ever. But Cassim pulled away first, his eyes lit with a strange glow. "That's how you feel? Honestly?"

Alibaba nodded, his brain short circuiting. "Keep going." He managed. "I'm not ready to stop yet, Cass. Do you want to stop?"

"No way. When hell freezes over."

This time, they held tighter. This time, Alibaba felt all he could. This was his chance, wasn't it? To touch every little dip of his chest? His lips felt puffy.

He pulled back again, their foreheads pressed together. "Cass, wanna do something fucking stupid?"

"Remember who you're talking to." Cassim muttered, sliding a hand up his shirt.

"T-there's a couch someone dumped over there," his voice crackled a little, "do you think we can fit on it?"

"Are you suggesting...?"

"No! I'm just saying-"

"I'm gonna make fucking love to you, Alibaba."

Shivering, he nodded. Fuck. That went right to his chest. "D-did you want this?"

"What do I look like? I've thought about you for years." He shook his head, in disbelief.

"Say-"

"I love you." Cassim muttered, giving him a small, soft kiss. And that did it.

The couch, in fact, held them, the slightly rotted wood squeaking as Cassim kissed softly down the hollow of his chest, Alibaba's hands tangled in his hair. "I wouldn't be anywhere without you, Ali." He murmured, kissing back up to his neck, one of his hands finally sliding down into his pants.

He'd never had another person's hand on him before, and he was sure Cassim's would feel better than anyone else's in the entire world. He closed his eyes, arching up into his touch, biting his lips until they bruised. On him, he was touching him, he repeated like a mantra, breathlessly jutting his hips into his hand.

"Cassim, oh god..." He muttered, his skin scorchingly hot. His hand was taken roughly away.

He was naked. Completely naked. But Cassim was on top of him, kissing him again, and he was mostly naked too, so it didn't matter much. He could feel Cass now, hard and heavy and leaking against his thigh.

"What are you waiting for?" He panted, his voice a little more high pitched than he would've liked. "I n-need you Cass, I need you- FUCK." His last noise was in surprise. Cassim slid down his body, throwing both his legs over his shoulders and pressing his mouth in a very delicate place.

Alibaba thanked God that he'd taken a shower only that afternoon. He let his head fall back, both his hands gripping at Cassim's scalp. "W-what a-are you, I can't, this is-" He cut himself off with a whimper. This was just too much. Even worse, he kept kissing the insides of his thighs.

He sat up, one leg still over his shoulder. He wiped his mouth a little, grinning. "Ali, are you ready?"

He felt looser now, and his legs were weak, and his dick ached where it jutted out over his lower abdomen. He took Cassim's hand, lying back and looking him in the eyes.

He went so damn slow, and yet it worked moans out of him. That stupid metal thing pressed in all the best places. He kept kissing, his chest and jaw and lips, until Alibaba was raw and shaking. It felt so weird at first, his body slowly filling up with Cassim, until tears pricked at his eyes.

Cassim squeezed his hand, gently. "Shh. Hey, it's okay. It's gonna feel better, I promise." Alibaba huffed. "Why am I on bottom anyway?" Cassim grinned, smoothing his hair. "I thought the point was that I'm making love to you."

That was good enough. It started to burn, in a good way, his nerves tingling and burning until Alibaba couldn't take it anymore. "Cass, move!" He rasped, squirming under him.

"Fucking love you..." He said low, in his ear. The movements started small, hardly doing anything. Alibaba lifted his hips, trying to mitigate the angle. He could feel Cass's body starting to stick to him a little, the humidity clinging.

Cassim groaned, his eyes closed, his nose wrinkling the way it always did when he was trying to focus. "I'm trying to go slow, I r-really am..."

"Then d-don't, okay?" Alibaba breathed. "I can take it..." He felt pretty relaxed, and what he could feel inside now was warm and good.

"Are you sure?"

"Please, please Cass, I need you to move~" His voice was really starting to shake.

Cassim rolled his hips, starting slow but quickly building the pressure. "Is this okay?" Alibaba nodded, his chest rising and falling quickly. "Y-yes... More~"

"Fuck, Cassim, I-"

"Are you gonna be loud? Be loud Ali, I wanna hear you."

"Cassim, I love you, a-ah! I-I, hard-harder, I can t-t-take~ It~ Nhn fuck, oh fuck, O-oh f-f-fuck Cassim!"

He was caught now. He couldn't move, couldn't think. Their hips were colliding, the harsh slapping mixing with Cassim's low groans and murmurs of encouragement. Being vocal was the only thing Alibaba had left. Where everything had felt raw and stretched before, his insides tingled and ached, his body eagerly swallowing Cassim again and again and again.

"Cass p-please, please..." He gasped weakly. Oh no. His piercing was rubbing something inside. He tried to cover his mouth, but it was just way too much, and one of his hands was trapped in Cassim's. He cried out, his eyes tearing. What the fuck was that?!

It happened again. And a third time. Was he hitting that place on purpose? Alibaba didn't want it to stop. He wanted to hold Cassim like this forever.

Cassim groaned, his face mauve. "I c-can't hold on. Ali, I'm gonna-" He kissed him, passionately, his body jerking and snapping forwards. Alibaba squeaked, feeling a surge of hot, wet fluid fill him up.

Cassim, lazy in his afterglow, managed to grab Alibaba's aching dick, giving it a gentle pump or two. With that, he was finished, moaning his name almost unintelligibly and cumming hard onto Cassim's hand.

They laid together in the muggy air, the stars barely visible through the light pollution, and Cassim softly kissed his neck, whispering to him for what seemed like a thousand nights.


	11. Chapter 11

Alibaba slipped down into the laundry room. It was hot and vaguely damp, and smelled almost like something died choking on laundry detergent. Checking for guards, he moved fast, wrapping himself around Cassim from behind, distracting him in the middle of folding a towel.

He snorted, twisting around. "What a surprise. Did you finish wrestling that printer or whatever into submission?"

"Cass, promise me something..."

He paused. "Yeah?" He set down the towel. "Hey, what's wrong."

Alibaba looked up, his face hot. "I acted like I didn't care, but... Can you not touch anyone but me? I know we were just including him. I felt bad for him too. But you're mine, Cass... I want to put a label on it." He finished, lamely.

"Okay, okay... We won't include anybody else unless you give the okay first." Cassim said, slowly. "I'm sorry. I... What kind of label?"

"Boyfriends? Partners?"

Cassim held him close. "Boyfriends it is. Sorry I... I was just so carried away in other shit for a while."

"But you're committed to me. I know." Alibaba cracked a grin, tilting his head to let Cassim touch the massive heart tattoo on his shoulder.

"Ali, we're gonna be out of here eventually. And when we do get out..."

"We have time to plan that, okay? We still have a whole community that relies on us for hope. But we have a life together, too. Right?" Alibaba asked, hoping the fear wasn't showing in his eyes.

"We have a life to make together. I promise you that." He murmured softly, kissing his forehead. "Like you said all that time ago. I can only see a life with you."


	12. Chapter 12

It was broiling hot in the kitchens, and Hakuryuu regretted ever telling the officer he had experience cooking. What he meant was, he had experience preparing fine, reserved meals, under his mother's tutelage. Not that he wanted to carry trays of slop through a cloud of steam for three hours every day.

Not to mention Sinbad seemed to be lord of the kitchen. He didn't do very much, besides instruct the rest of the crew in his, in Hakuryuu's opinion, sultry baritone. It was almost like he didn't exist, compared to the others.

After lunch on his third day, Hakuryuu scrubbed a pan clear of congealed sauce, still sincerely regretting his words. He'd rather be doing anything, he thought, anything other than this.

He still hadn't spoken to Judal again, after their encounter in the washroom. He was probably avoiding him on purpose. Which stung a bit, now that it had sunken in.

Not paying attention anymore, Hakuryuu backed away from the sink to put the pan on the drying rack, instead bumping into the annoyed looking platinum blond that always hung around Sinbad. What was his name again?

"Say excuse me at least." He sighed, his eyes narrowing a little before he moved away.

"Hey, sorry about that. We've had a long day, you know?"

Hakuryuu stiffened, his head jerking to the side, his eyes level with Sinbad's chest. "Uh..."

Sinbad smiled. "It's okay. You're the new kid, it's normal to be kind of out of it. Anyway, if you somehow haven't heard of me, I'm Sinbad. And there happens to be a lot I can do around here, Mister Hakuryuu Ren."

He wasn't surprised that Sinbad knew his name. He just seemed like the type to know things. "I've heard people can trade their cigarette ration for things from the outside?" He said, cautiously.

"That's right. Although, the prices for some things may be quite a lot." He tilted his head back, giving off a haughty air.

"Well... I've got three packs. And I need your help, if that's... Appropriate."

"There's always a first time." He seemed amused by that. "What's your wish?"

"If there was someone avoiding me, how would I get them to talk to me? Like, really talk to me. Get into a situation where they couldn't walk away."

His thick (perfectly shaped) eyebrows went up. "That's an interesting request. You're sure you don't want snacks or batteries or booze?"

Hakuryuu's jaw was already set, in what Judal used to call his 'stubborn ass face'. "I'm sure."

"Who would we be talking about here, then? Someone you knew on the outside?" It seemed to dawn on him. "Oh, your opponent in the cafeteria? Judal, huh?"

"I just need to talk to him, really. I don't wanna get in another fight. It was just like my hands moved by themselves. So... I'm willing to pay whatever price you ask of me."

A smile bloomed on his perfect lips. "You seem reasonable, Hakuryuu Ren. Whatever I ask?"

"Yes." He bore his eyes like glaciers upwards.

"Can I see that arm of yours?"

Hakuryuu detached his prosthetic, handing it over. Sinbad turned, rummaging in a bag of uncooked rice, pulling some a few small bags and shoving them up into the wrist area. "You'll be part of my delivery team. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours, so to say. By this time tomorrow, I'll have something worked out for you."

Taking his arm, now much heavier, he stuck it back on his stump. "Where do I bring this?"

"You can take those to electric after this and give them to a guy called Masrur. He's usually in charge of tools. By dinner I'll have more for you. Good luck!"

Would it be weird if he stuck around a little? Or should he just go? Hakuryuu managed an awkward little bow before heading back to his station. When he looked back over his shoulder, Sinbad and the blond were whispering about something.

If he talked to Judal again, would that really help anything? At least he wanted some damn closure. But he couldn't help thinking his body would go on its own again. When had that started happening? When his conscience started slipping?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANYWAY stay tuned for some gore

Hakuryuu plunged his knife deeper, his eyes milky and clouded. His breath was loud, crackling in his ears. Again he plunged it, blood bursting up around his hands like a spring.

And of course, the man was still alive and screaming. Judal held down his hands by sitting on them, braiding sections of his hair.

Hakuryuu pulled the knife out of his thigh. His hands moved.

He wanted him to burn.

"How does this feel? Like you made us feel?" Hakuryuu said, his mouth dry. The motel bed was soaked in blood now, and they couldn't play this screaming off for long.

Judal laughed, his eyes glowing. "Show him, Hakuryuu!"

He dug into the pit of warmth and flesh, his knife biting through sticky fat and brittle arteries like fire. And when the life was extinguished, when his exposed heart stuttered to a stop, Hakuryuu tore the cross off his neck with his stained hands and threw it to the floor.

The focus came back to him, and he dropped his weapon on the soiled bed. "Judal, did he deserve that? Or am I losing it?" He mumbled. "Are we doing what's right?"

"Hakuryuu. None of them are free from blame." Judal's eyes were softer than usual, without the usual serpentine glow. "They took your arm and your father and your brothers and made your body a mess. They would kill a child's parents and raise them a brainwashed toy. They all know what they signed up for, and their bullshit ideology means nothing. Even if this guy didn't help hurt you, who's to say he wouldn't take away another child's innocence?"

"You're right. I'm sorry." Hakuryuu sighed, standing up. "What'll we do with this one?"

"I say we get inventive." Judal's grin returned. "He's already pretty sliced up." He paused. "I love that look... Like, when you're lost in the passion of it. You're so focused."

He didn't feel focused now. "Yeah, yeah. What are we doing?"

"You think you can wait for a little while? I've got an idea." Judal grabbed a few cut-off fingers. "How many stray dogs do you think are around here?"

"Y-you're sick." Hakuryuu chuckled. "And the bones?"

"Eh, we can wrap em up in the sheets and dump the whole thing in the desert somewhere if we hitchhike out that way. That way the room will look clean. And who'd be able to trace us? Stupid hooker motel let us right in."

Hakuryuu looked down at the blood crusting on his hands. "I'll take a shower while you're out."

"Be back soon~" Judal waved, flirtatiously, slipping out the door.


	14. Chapter 14

Jafar watched Hakuryuu's retreat through narrowed eyes. "Sin, what are you thinking? Just passing off all those valuables to him? There's something really weird about him, don't you-"

Sinbad shushed him. "You don't think I know who he is. But I do, and you don't. There's no one who comes in my kitchen I don't know about."

It was true. He'd had access to the guard's satellite TV for weeks. He watched Hakuryuu's entire trial. When they convicted Judal, they'd done it under different charges, and until Hakuryuu began striking again, they thought Judal was working alone. Hakuryuu's capture was sensational, to say the least.

Hakuryuu just seemed so... Burnt up inside, like part of his emotional core was worn out beyond repair. It should have worried Sinbad; it honestly intrigued him.

"But doesn't he feel off to you? I am only looking out for you, can't you see?"

Sinbad huffed with laughter, putting his hand on Jafar's shoulder. "He's only a kid. He probably committed credit fraud or something."

What was interesting was Hakuryuu hadn't really fought at his own trial. It was almost like he didn't care, or he was just too tired to do anything but testify while they piled on the evidence. Didn't he have anything to say for himself?

Or were the murders enough of a monumental speech for him?

He had the same kind of delicate brutality as Jafar did, and Sinbad suspected he'd kill in a similar way.

Jafar let out a little sound, half disgusted huff, half exasperated laugh. "Credit fraud. Of course. Just know I'll be keeping an eye on him."

His black eyes were serious, this time. Sinbad gave his hand a pat. "Of course. Thank you."

He scowled a little back at him, but his face softened a little, and Sinbad knew this meant he was satisfied. "Anyway, in ten minutes we'll be out of here. Are we going to meet the people with the vegetable truck out back?"

"Why wouldn't we? I'll give him new merchandise by dinner... Oh, and that reminds me." He did have to think of a plan to get them together.

"What?"

"We have to actually do what I promised. Which is to get him and Judal together. Wonder how easy that'll be."

"You know... They do have something in common."

"I watched both their trials, Jafar. They did have a debate about whether to send them to men's or women's prison. Lasted a good few hours."

"Couldn't we use that?"

He folded his arms. "Hm. Maybe. I'll think about that." He really didn't like fights, especially not in his cafeteria. That was a possible benefit. If they talked, violence between them would likely stop.

Jafar looked up. "How much longer?"

Sinbad cracked a grin. "Perfection takes time."

"I thought a brilliant man like you would be able to speed this up."

"A brilliant man like me knows that some things take time and planning and patience."

"What the hell is this place gonna do without you?" Jafar smiled a little.

"You know, I don't know." He reached down to tilt Jafar's chin up, stealing a chaste kiss from him. "Come on, let's go."

***

"What the hell is this place gonna do without you?" Jafar smirked as Sinbad leaned back on the bar.

"God, who knows." Sinbad downed a shot, tossing the glass down the polished wood bar. "I'm leaving it in capable hands! It might be a front, but it's a good business too."

"Who's the new manager you hired again?"

"Ah, just some girl. I think she'll do Sindria justice. This is a fancy bar, for this part of Vegas!"

"Fancy how?" Jafar raised his eyebrows, playing with his cuff links. "Like any place except the Strip is fancy..."

"You insult me." He flashed him a grin. "By the way, how many weapons do you have on your person tonight?"

Jafar rolled his eyes, but pushed up his sleeve a little to show a glint of metal. "The tip of the iceberg. Boy, am I glad I stopped killing for Sham Lash so I could start killing for a man like you."

The song changed, and the dancing changed too. Somehow even very drunk people knew the rhythm. "Hey now, this is your choice. You're my protection," he teased, "and I know you're happier with me."

"Debatable." He snorted, but he shifted on his stool a little. "I know we usually don't get in with parties, but do you think we should dance with the rest of them? This is your last night here as manager, and you've already had two shots."

Sinbad turned his auric gaze on him. "You want to dance with me, huh?" He asked, tauntingly.

Jafar's freckles got only darker when he blushed. "Prick. But yeah, I wanna dance."

"This is a club you know. If we dance, we're gonna dance like we're part of the crowd. Promise you won't complain?"

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine." He took off his jacket, straightening the arms of his dress shirt. Then he reached up to fix Sinbad's tie. "For the love of God, you can't walk around with a loose knot!"

"I know." Sinbad stood, taking his hand. "That's why I've got you!"

Jafar pushed his chest a little, flushing again. "You're a dork, Sinbad. You think you're such a hotshot, but I know you."

Instead of replying, he only grinned, tugging him off into the crowd.

They started off just swaying to the harmony. Jafar grabbed his ponytail, which was down to his shoulder. "Is this your style now?"

"Yes?"

"I think it looked better before. You should cut it off."

"Or I could let it grow out, how about that?"

"Okay, do exactly not what I suggested." But he said it jokingly, his eyes shining briefly. "I guess it suits you."

As the music thumped on, they grew closer, Sinbad occasionally grabbing his hips. Usually he was chastised with a swat of the hand, but Jafar seemed surprisingly into it. This was kind of a big night. It wasn't like the Sindria bar was a chain, but it was classy in his opinion, and housed a great deal of his business. On one hand, he was sad to build up his other ventures, but on the other...

He'd truly succeeded. He knew it. Jafar, reluctantly, admitted it, but he knew it too. He was the king of the underground, ruler of the new money, the court of crime.

Of course, he never would've been able to do this without his various criminal friends, but without the word criminal they'd always just been friends. Jafar more than that.

They danced in the blurring strobe, closer and closer until, to someone else, they would seem like one person.

Jafar's body was so lithe compared to his, and dammit if everything he did wasn't sultry. Sinbad knew he didn't mean it to be, but even pressed together, Jafar's arms thrown upwards around his neck, the cutest things about him were the involuntary ones.

"I never wanted to be that couple." Jafar hissed in his ear, standing up on his tiptoes. "But I think we're a bit close."

And he knew what he doing this time, his black eyes glowing as he swooped in for the kill. Their lips brushed, then collided.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay okay get ready for Super transphobia in this chapter

"Hey, Haku..." Alibaba leaned over the table a little. "Buddy. Tell me the truth. Did you take some of Sinbad's stuff to electric today? Al here says he saw you, and this kid doesn't lie."

Hakuryuu sighed, his prosthetic arm now heavy with the items he'd received after cooking dinner. "Yes. I did."

"You're in with him..." Cassim sighed. "I should've known you'd get tight with that guy."

"Hey, we're not close. This is just a favor!" Hakuryuu scowled, looking away.

Aladdin, sitting next to him, just looked up with wide eyes. "Be careful, okay Hakuryuu? A lot of people think he's up to something. Promise me you'll be careful!"

There was just this look in his eyes Hakuryuu couldn't fathom. Was it... Caring?

"Promise us too." Alibaba crossed his arms. "I don't wanna see anything bad happen to you, okay?"

"Me either. You're part of our thing." Cassim waved a hand about the table.

"Okay, okay, I'll be careful! I'll watch my back." He rolled his eyes. "I'm not exactly part of his crew. In fact, I haven't heard a thing about him outside this place."

Alibaba grinned. "Good. Anyway... Think you can sneak me some of that stuff?"

"Didn't we just finish telling him to be careful?" Cassim asked.

"Good point. Better do what he asks, and don't mess with the stuff!" Alibaba patted the plastic.

Amun-Ra sauntered past the table, bending down. "Hey, Ren? Sinbad's got a plan. It's probably going into action... A little earlier than promised. He says sorry, but you did say you wanted whatever it took." He grinned a little. "Good luck. Hope it works out."

Alibaba stared, squinting. "Okay, what the fuck was that?"

On the other side of the cafeteria, there was a shout. Hakuryuu jerked his head up, but the crowd was already too big to see past. Was it another fight?

Aladdin tugged on his arm. "Look out!"

Once, his reflexes were excellent, but Hakuryuu couldn't dodge the plastic tray that came flying at his face. He tried to get up, smearing the cut on his forehead, but a hand grabbed the back of his jumpsuit and a circle closed in around him.

"Sinbad told us to only rough you up, but to be honest, I think you're as good as a woman anyway..." Hakuryuu tried to get up, but a hard boot just under his ribs stopped him. He gasped, falling back to his elbows.

What was going on? Why wasn't anyone stopping this? He didn't have a knife or any other weapon. Couldn't you make a shank out of a toothbrush? He should've done that...

Was this part of Sinbad's plan? Maybe he'd just have to take it.

No. No, he couldn't do this. His arms shook. If he choked the man kicking him, he would stop. He could run away.

"You're still a girl under there, huh?" The man that first tugged him into the circle bent down. "I'm curious. What exactly does it look like?"

Get away. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't. The danger seemed to be behind a glass wall. Just one more minute. Two more.

He closed his eyes.

...

Judal's head was forced up, a wiry hand gripping his braid. He'd been jumped. But not like this. What made them decide to just come for him like this?

The short man beside the one gripping his braid gave a hard smile. "You look angry. Dumb bitch. Just sit here and take it, will you?"

He had a razor in his mouth. But was this the right time to show it? If he let his body fight this, he'd end up in solitary for weeks. Instead, Judal sneered, hawking up spit into the shorter man's face. "Like hell I-"

With a knee to the face, his vision started to blur. He hadn't been knocked out this easily in forever.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ready for more shameless smut?
> 
> also; i've said it once, i'll say it again.. you shouldn't take hormones unless you know exactly what the right dose for you is 
> 
> anyone who got this far, thank you for reading : )

Judal plopped his backpack down on the bathroom floor, rummaging through bags of closed up needles. Peeling down his jeans, he sat on the side of the tub. In the beginning, the needle part always scared him, because the Al Tharmen doctor was pretty rough. But after killing him, grabbing all the needles he could, Judal found that doing his monthly injection alone was much nicer.

Humming a little to himself, he filled the syringe, sticking it in.

He heard a little gasp from the door. Who else could that be? Judal looked up at the little crack. "Hey, you can come in here. Don't be shy."

Hakuryuu shuffled into the room, his eyes wide. "You... You've actually got some." He murmured. Judal couldn't help but grin.

"And you don't, clearly. What have you got? An off-brand binder?"

Across the little bathroom, he folded his arms defensively over his chest. "Maybe that is all I have." He huffed. "I don't wanna talk about this anymore. You're so far ahead of me."

Judal contemplated sharing with him, but he thought better of it. "You didn't seem too embarrassed last night in the subway~" He teased, pulling his pants back up.

"That's because we weren't talking about... About it. Like this."

"Have you ever talked about it?" As a child, he'd always been encouraged to speak his mind. He'd been given special privileges. But in the end it was just another trick to keep him pressed into cult mentality.

"No! Who would I have talked to?" He shook his head, uneasily leaning back on the counter. "My mother who hated me? My dead brothers?"

"That's a good point." Judal undid his braid, combing his fingers through it. He'd often thought it just cutting it off, but he was still worried about premature hair loss. He'd decided to keep as much of his hair as he possibly could.

"I mean, no one there even knew that I was... That... My mom just assumed I liked more boyish clothes..."

Judal chuckled. "Hey, you can say it. It's not a bad word." Poor guy. He watched Hakuryuu tighten his arms around himself.

Who knew how long his current supply would last him, giving away an extra dose a month? To Ren Gyokuen's son? Who he'd hardly met?

Judal reached into the bag, grabbing out a needle and a tiny bottle of liquid. "I'll give you my dose. C'mere."

It took a few moments for Hakuryuu to inch towards the bathtub. It was actually sort of cute. Judal felt a little weak at the sight of his soft thigh when he pushed down his pants. "What do I do?"

"Okay, so it's like a normal shot. It's gonna feel weird." Judal scooted closer. "Why don't you talk a little first, you seem nervous. When'd you realize you were a boy?"

"It was never a huge moment... One day I just started seeing myself as a boy. And then it was weird to think of myself any other way. I never wanted to tear off my own skin any more than before." He gestured to his burns. "I hated these enough already. But I didn't ever tell anyone and- Ow!"

Taking him by surprise, Judal quickly administered the shot. "There, done. It'll hurt like a flu shot for a bit."

Hakuryuu rubbed his leg, biting his lip. "Well... Thank you. When can I start getting rid of... Period stuff?" He mumbled the last part.

"Ah, I'm not really sure. I was started on this before mine ever happened, and I got my surgeries when I was still like thirteen. But I tell you what, when it stops and you've got any tampons, we can pop them like party favors!"

This made him laugh a little. "Okay, deal."

"You know what?" Judal had never felt the need for company before. But he wanted Hakuryuu's company. He liked the way he talked. There was something good about the way he was.

"What?"

I'm happy we have each other, he wanted to say.

He leaned over, touching the place where he'd given the shot on Hakuryuu's thigh. He could feel the shiver going through him. He crept a little closer, his eyes meeting Hakuryuu's, which were wide open.

Judal stayed like that for a moment or two, feeling Hakuryuu's heartbeat faster and faster under his hand. Finally, Hakuryuu leaned up, kissing his lips.

It surprised Judal just how pliant Hakuryuu was. Otherwise, he moved with a hard, fluid grace, but kiss the guy for more than a few seconds?

He wrapped his arms around Judal's neck, pulling him in. His lips were insanely soft, and the little noises he made between kisses went right to the base of his spine.

"Want you to touch me again..." Hakuryuu finally admitted, breaking the kiss and leaning back. "N-never been touched like that... Before..."

Judal snickered. "I could tell. First look at me. I'm gonna make you say it."

"S-say what?" He looked back at Judal.

"Tell me what you are."

"I'm... Trans." He said, quietly. "T-there. What was the point of that, huh?"

"It's not a bad word." Judal repeated. "It's a huge part of you."

Hakuryuu wrapped his legs around Judal, still balancing on the edge of the tub. "That sounds stupid. Like you care about me."

"Maybe I do, a little. I mean, we're a team now." Judal wanted to keep focused, but his neck, especially the burns along it, called out to him. He bent down, kissing at them, feeling Hakuryuu's breathing hitch.

Hakuryuu kept biting his own lips, trying to hold in the noise, but his face was hot, and his worn tank top was so easy to pull off. He closed his eyes, legs tightening around Judal. "This is taking too long..."

Usually, Judal was the one complaining, acting generally flippant. It was odd to be on the opposite end of things. "Be patient." He grinned. "Sometimes I like to drag it out."

He left on his binder, moving back. "You can pretend I'm sucking you off if you want." He said, dragging Hakuryuu's pants down further. Hakuryuu nodded, leaning back against the wall. "I-I'm fine... Just hurry up."

Judal bent down, spreading his legs wide. When did he find time to shave there? Probably when he wasn't killing...

Hakuryuu's head rolled back. "C-come on, I can feel you looking, j-just touch me!"

"Can't a guy admire the view?" Judal slide back up to murmur into his ear. "You look so cute, Hakuryuu~"

"I-I'm so... So wet..." He panted, still a bit shy. "Please, please..."

"Please do what?"

"Please... Y-you bastard... Touch..."

"Where?" He trailed a hand over his stomach. "Your clit? You want it?"

Shuddering, clearly embarrassed, he looked away, nodding.

"I mean, I can't wait until I get your cock in my mouth, but this is just as good." He'd worked Hakuryuu up enough. He felt a little bad. He quickly moved back down, pressing his lips and tongue into the warm, soaking, stretch of nerves.

Hakuryuu cried out again, and again, trying to shove his hand in his mouth to muffle the moans. Judal knew he was being a little merciless at his clit, but he had sort of begged for it. Any second now...

Hakuryuu grabbed Judal by the hair, pulling him further down. "More~" His voice echoed, his hips jerking. "I-it's good~"

Judal took that opportunity to just stop, knocking Hakuryuu's hands away and sitting up. He looked... Miserable. The pleasure gone, he stared, his eyes glassy, just trying to catch his breath. "Why'd you stop..." He breathed, his voice raspy.

"Hakuryuu~" Judal hummed, teasing him with one finger. He wanted some action himself. Something told him Hakuryuu would be willing. "Want me to screw you?"

He didn't answer, but when Judal stood, offering him a hand, he got up on shaking legs. Finally, it would be his turn.

In a different part of his bag, Judal kept a large, smooth plastic strap on. He hadn't used it on anyone but himself in a long time. Helping Hakuryuu onto the bed, where he flopped onto his back, Judal stripped buckling it on. It rubbed his swollen clit just right when he used it...

Hakuryuu was getting impatient again. Wiggling out of his binder, he grabbed Judal, yanking him into a kiss, their bodies pressing together.

They kissed for a long time, Hakuryuu stroking the even scar lines on Judal's chest, the strap on shifting between their hips, the small bed shifting and creaking slightly. Hakuryuu's real hand scraped against his back, the fingernails leaving little, half hearted trails.

"Want it~" Hakuryuu finally moaned, catching his breath from the kisses. His prosthetic fingers dug into the sheet, gripping and releasing. "I want you to... To..." They kissed again, his message interrupted. Judal knew he would just try again. "I-I want you inside n-now, now~ I want it~"

Judal slid into him with surprising ease. He must've been insanely wet. Hakuryuu moaned and bucked his hips, his fingernails digging into his back for real. "O-oh my god... Oh god..."

"Hakuryuu, you're good, you're really good." Judal murmured.

"Then do it, k-keep going!"

Judal folded his legs down, leaning over him to kiss the scars eating up his torso, all the while rocking into his hips, the wet slaps making Hakuryuu shiver again.

"You're so fucking handsome," Judal murmured to him, "Come on, a handsome boy like you needs it harder."

"I-I do! I need it harder!"

Judal gave it harder, Hakuryuu's moans turning to whimpers. He could tell when he hit a particularly good spot, because Hakuryuu would tense up, his whimpers tapering off with a high pitch.

He ran a hand over his stomach. Tight. He could come any second now. So could Judal, for that matter.

Hakuryuu gasped, his eyes going wide enough to see the whites. "O-oh-ohh, Judal, J-Juda-" He closed his eyes tight, gasping again, climax washing over him.

His face was just too sweet. Judal held his hips down, giving the strap-on a few more careful thrusts before he winced. "F-fuck... Hakuryuu..."

When his vision cleared they were lying together, his head on Hakuryuu's soft chest. Hakuryuu stared up, his cheeks softly flushed. "O-okay... That was good." He mumbled. "That was really good."

Judal reached up, poking his nose. "Yeah, I'd say."

Hakuryuu laughed, weakly. "You're weird, Judal. Really weird."

"So?"

"I'm uh... I'm kind of glad I met you. I was lonely before. I didn't have anyone to talk to. I didn't have-"

"Someone to taint your destiny with?"

He laughed again. "Wouldn't say it like that, but yeah."


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here come some Emotions

Hakuryuu felt like he'd been stepped on. Did they send him to medical? He couldn't remember. Someone's legs were carrying him, but he was too far away to feel it. He could hear a voice...

"We can't keep trannies in the main complex if shit like this is gonna keep happening. We're putting you in the box for a while."

The box? Where was that? He struggled weakly, but it was too late. He landed in the concrete room on his knees, the metal door locking behind him.

There was one bed, and one person already on it. He looked... Worse for the wear.

"Judal." Hakuryuu croaked, his voice sounding unfamiliar. Through his puffy eyes, he watched Judal turn away from him, facing the opposite way.

"Boy," the other said, "Sure am glad I'm all alone in here."

Hakuryuu flinched. "Hey." He spat. "If you hate me so much, why didn't you give my name at your trial?"

He didn't answer to that, so Hakuryuu pushed himself back into a corner, curling up on the floor. What was he supposed to say? Maybe this was a bad idea, and he should say nothing.

After what seemed like forever but was probably only twenty minutes, Judal turned back. "I wanna know how you did it. In detail."

Hakuryuu didn't have to be told what 'it' was. "Okay... So..." He kept his eyes on the floor. "I found a phone on this guy and it had her address on a post it in the back of the case. It was really hot... I had to walk through a field to get to the house, which was sort of in the middle of nowhere. Just a normal looking house.

"Anyway, she was out back in the garden. She looked normal. She was wearing a sunhat. She looked up and just kind of..." His hand tightened. "She did that smile, you know? The one where you can see how much she hates you. 'Welcome home, daughter.' That's what she said. 'I know what you did, but Jesus forgives us all!'

"And uh, that's kind of when I snapped. She had a gun, in her gardening smock, but she only grazed my shoulder. I did that thing you did, I wrapped a cord around her neck and..." He demonstrated.

Judal seemed pleased with this. He probably wished he was there.

"And then she was just dead, you know? So I cut off her head, through the bone and everything. She was just bleeding all over me, so I... I really didn't clean anything..."

He fell silent. It was finally all hitting him.

Judal didn't say anything either. Did he know?

A few hours passed, Hakuryuu's insides slowly melting into acid. A tray of food got passed under the door. Judal ate the whole thing, he noticed, barely.

His chest was stinging. What was the point in that?

"You wanna come sit up here on the bed? With me?" Judal's voice was so distant. Hakuryuu moved slowly, sitting down next to him.

"Judal, do you ever just feel like... Like everything's fake? Like it's all a dream and if you touch something it'll fall down like a piece of cardboard? I can't remember how it felt to be real. I can't remember how it felt to..."

He trailed off.

"I killed my mom. She raised me... She looked for monsters under my bed when I had bad dreams." He was shaking. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I left and I didn't look for you, I'm sorry you're here Judal."

He took a deep breath. "D-do you think we made a mistake? Do you think we destroyed ourselves? It's like I don't have that little voice anymore telling me what's good and bad. Do you think we could've walked away from that a-and just done something else with our lives?"

Judal grabbed his hands, and the world pulled back into focus. "It doesn't matter what could've happened, Hakuryuu! Don't you think I haven't had this conversation with myself? This is our fucking world now!"

He hiccuped for air. "I-I... I'm so sorry..."

For a second he thought Judal would push him away or slap him. But he felt those familiar arms wrap around him, pulling him tight. "Fucking shit I missed you... Didn't you know that? Didn't you miss me?"

Hakuryuu put his arms around him too, his fingers embedding themselves in his jumpsuit. "O-of course I missed you!"

Whatever emotional puzzle piece he'd been missing for years suddenly returned to him. He lowered his head, tears springing up at his eyes. First slow, then torrential, and Judal didn't seem to mind it much, letting Hakuryuu sob into his shoulder.


	18. Chapter 18

That night, Hakuryuu dreamed about his siblings. First his brothers, who died in the fire. Then Hakuei. In the dream it was her watering the garden instead of Gyokuen. His step siblings were there too, standing off in the fields, watching him.

Kougyoku, who was closest, slowly turned her head to face him, her eyes blank. "You killed her, Hakuryuu. You're a monster."

He wanted to shout about the time Gyokuen left her alone in the back shed for weeks as a form of time out, but he couldn't speak.

"You're sinful, Hakuryuu." On his other side, Kouen pointed a hand. "Can't you see what you've done?"

In the garden, Hakuei finally faced front, her body pierced by hundreds of knives.

He woke up with a gasp, shaking again. Was he scared? What was this warm thing he was holding onto? He held tighter, burying his face against it. His head felt dry and scratchy.

"So you're awake now, huh?" He felt someone brush a strand of hair off his face. "Rise and shine."

Hakuryuu looked up, bewildered. "Judal, I dreamed about my siblings."

"So? They're probably just doing whatever right now. Living their lives freely." He waved a hand. "It's all thanks to you."

"But what if they don't realize what I did was good for them? Do you think they all hate me?" Only Hakuei had shown herself briefly at his trial. He wasn't sure what she was feeling.

Before tears could break again, Judal gently shook him. "They were trapped and you weren't. Who cares if all five of them hate you? Two died because of that organization, Ryuu."

His brothers... He took a deep breath.

"I know." He snapped. "She hurt us. I hurt her. It's only right. Everything should be right now."

Hakuryuu swallowed, his voice softening. "I don't know who I am anymore."

"I never knew who I was. Did that stop me?" Judal sat up, pushing back loose strands of hair. "Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, I know exactly who you are. You're a pain in the ass emo boy, who's too pretty for his own good. And you made me spend so long here alone, too. How are you gonna repay me for that?"

"I might have a few ideas. For later." Hakuryuu sat up, leaning forwards again, wrapping his arms around his waist. "We're... We're together again. I'm not letting you go, Judal." His hands finding old habits, he ran Judal's braid between his fingers. Still silky.

"Wanna know something?"

He nodded.

"I always believed in you. Right from the day we met, I knew you would be the one to finish her off. You're my... My... I mean, we had each other, but there was always just this passion in you-"

"Shhh. I knew that already. You always believed in me." He could almost recognize his own voice again.

Their lips were getting dangerously close. Hakuryuu's heart was beating too fast. He didn't even realize how much he missed Judal in general; his attitude, his hair, his voice. His slim waist. The way his eyes darted when he grew nervous. The little curl in his lips, when Hakuryuu knew he was about to do something mischievous, at the very least.

"Hakuryuu, no disrespect..." Judal's voice took on a teasing tone, a particularly nasty grin sneaking across his face. "But honestly, were you in love with me that whole time?"


	19. Chapter 19

In the cafeteria office, behind several well-placed file cabinets, a simple mattress lay on the floor. A person could walk inside and look around for several minutes without noticing it at all.

It was dark, only the desk lamp turned on.

Sinbad always started with demure, gentlemanly kisses, holding Ja'far's hips or shoulders or, God forbade, one hand on his cheek and one on his neck. Sometimes this stage went too slow. Sometimes Ja'far just wanted Sin.

It was early in the morning, true, but just before breakfast was usually the only time they had to make love.

Ja'far was good at staying quiet, no matter how good Sinbad felt, no matter what his hands did, no matter how many of his freckles he kissed. But Sinbad was really pressing his limits now.

The smaller man whimpered silently, his mouth hanging open as Sinbad moved. His hands were tight on his waist; Sinbad kneeled, one of Ja'far's legs between his own, one sticking out behind. He pulled Ja'far slowly, purposefully, back onto him, leaving the top half of his body to squirm and grasp at the thin sheet.

The room spun. Ja'far grit his teeth. No noise, no noise. But the way Sinbad was talking, the way he was fucking him in just the right place over, and over, and over...

He was too good. Sinbad hummed, running a hand down, coming so close to touching Ja'far where he needed it. "Ja'far," he murmured to him, his voice husky, melodic, "Do you want for anything? What else can I do?"

Ja'far finally let a moan work its way out of him. "N-no, God no Sin, I have everything I need." He twisted back to look up at him. "Faster. Harder. Sin. Mh... L-love you- Ah!"

He gasped with pleasure, his pale skin flushing impossibly darker. "How is this?" The voice was so close to his ear, Sinbad's hard thigh muscles working under him.

"Hm... Sin, I-" He couldn't talk without letting it out, so he wouldn't talk. But just as he was getting used to the new feeling, Sinbad let go, pulling Ja'far to sit in his lap, kissing him like he wouldn't live without Ja'far's lips.

He threw his arms around Sinbad's neck, sinking back down, letting himself be taken completely under. Gravity helped a little, since he had to do all the work himself. And the angle...

"I love you." Ja'far forced out each word quietly, his legs shaking. Sinbad was in the right spot again. Sinbad held him closer, helping him move. "I think I love you more." He hummed.

"N-no way..." Ja'far's face pinched a little. "There's no way y-you love me more... Sin... I-I'm really..."

"Me too..." Sinbad's voice was shaking now, just a little, his muscles tensing. "In or out?"

Ja'far let out a real moan, his voice soft and quavering. "O-oh fuck Sin I want it..." Everything was so hazy. So warm.

That was the end for him. One more pull downwards, Sinbad's hands guiding him, he came with a harsh groan, clinging to Sinbad's broad shoulders. It seemed far away now, everything except Sinbad's skin against his, his breath against his neck.

Once Sinbad had finished, they laid together on the mattress, Ja'far folded into his chest. "No. I think you're wrong..." Sinbad mouthed, his voice low. "I probably love you more."

"Shut up a little, okay?" Ja'far kissed his cheek. "You really wiped me there... I just wanna lie here."

They were interrupted by a harsh knock on the door. Ja'far frowned, sitting up. "That's weird. Drakon was supposed to let us know if we were needed..."

Sinbad gently put a hand on his chest. "Stay lying down, alright? No one can see you back here anyway. I'll get dressed and go see who it is."

Ja'far sighed heavily. Normally he would protest, but his lower body was starting to garner that familiar ache. "Fine..." He could try to sneak a peek from where he was.

He could hardly see. Sinbad tied his hair back, opening the door. "Who's there?"

There was a man with dreadlocks standing in the doorway, a dark look on his face. Cassim, Ja'far figured. He knew a face or two. And of course, everyone knew Aladdin, who stood beside him.

"What did you do with him?" Cassim hissed. Ja'far dug his nails into his palms. If this got serious, he would have to intervene. "I asked what you did! I know that wasn't random!"

Aladdin tugged on his wrist. "It'll be okay, I'm sure Sinbad will tell us why Hakuryuu got taken."

Sinbad let out an easy laugh. "The boy's right. I'm sure you're only worried about him. And you don't trust me, either, do you Cassim?"

"H-how do you-"

"All you need to know," his tone grew more serious, "is that Hakuryuu requested I do something so he could talk face to face with his partner in crime without interruption. He'll be back in a matter of days, maybe less."

"See?" Aladdin sighed. "Cassim, he might be in charge, but I think we can trust him!"

"If you don't hold to that," Cassim glared, "I'll-"

"How do you think Alibaba would feel about that?" Sinbad leaned against the wall near the door. "Getting back into the same mess that got you both here. I'm sure he wants to move ahead and start living in the light, so to speak."

For a moment, Ja'far was afraid a surge of bitterness would break out of Cassim like murky water from a dam, but slowly, he relaxed, the tension going out of him. "We... We know. We can move ahead together."

Aladdin smiled. Did that kid think he was the prison mediator? Ja'far wondered, smiling a little. Somehow, every situation he was involved in got settled peacefully. "There! All good! Thanks for talking to us, Mr. Sinbad!"

And then they were gone. Sinbad looked back towards where Ja'far waited. "Well that was interesting, but I don't think I'm through with you yet."

Ja'far shivered slightly. Sinbad had the stamina of a bull. "You handled that well." He scooted out, allowing Sinbad to see his neck and upper chest. "You can come back... But only if you promise you'll take me like a man, and not half-ass anything."

"What do I look like?" His gold eyes glimmered as he paced back to the bed, peeling off his clothes once more.

He flattened Ja'far to the mattress, and kissed him softly on the cheek.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like my favorite chapter I've written in this entire story so Enjoy!!

Hakuryuu shuffled his feet, in worn flip-flops, against the sand. The beach was dark, a breeze curling against his bare arms and legs. The ocean washed high on the beach, meeting the darkness of the sky on the horizon in a soft embrace.

He felt... Free. He didn't have to hide his body under a layer. Since Judal started sharing with him, killing with him, standing at his side, life has gotten almost brighter.

Far to the right, the boardwalk whistled and hummed, lights blinking in a thousand different colored bulbs, and Hakuryuu, standing on the dark sand, felt like the king of the world as he watched Judal shoot sanitary products into the air like tiny rockets.

Judal whooped. "Did you see that? That one made it all the way to the water!" He grabbed a few more from the battered box, which had been squished in Hakuryuu's bag. "Come on, give these a warrior's funeral with me!"

It was a relief to smile. He took them, joining Judal by the sea. "They lived and died for nothing Judal." He sighed, melodramatically, popping one directly into a wave.

Judal snickered, popping three at once. "Better than fireworks, honestly." He looked almost... Holy, thought Hakuryuu. His bangs wafted around his head, and instead of his normal hoodie and tattered pants, he seemed to have picked up a crop top and newer, slightly less destroyed jeans. Hakuryuu took note of his defined abdomen, the scars barely visible under the edge of the crop top.

"Quit staring." Judal pushed his shoulder. "Take a picture, it'll last longer."

Normally he'd shake something like this off, but he stuck out his tongue instead. "Idiot. I'm just looking because I can."

Judal could get so easily distracted. Looking up, he seemed to spot the boardwalk for the first time. "Ryuu. I know what I wanna do today."

"I mean..." He eyed the boardwalk, and the whirling rides. "Don't you think someone will recognize us? There's a lot of people over there."

"The better to blend in with!" His eyes were bright and childish. "Come on, I never got to go to the carnival! Ride the ferris wheel with me, just once!"

He never got to go to a carnival either. He grabbed his bag, then Judal's hand. "Let's go then." He said, smoothly. One ride wouldn't hurt.

Judal, as it turned out, wanted to race him to the boardwalk. Hakuryuu won, but it felt like an empty victory when Judal splashed him with a handful of water, then claimed he lost on purpose.

The boardwalk was full, but they slipped past in the shadows of the crowd. It smelled amazing. Hakuryuu was tempted to spend some of their hard-stolen cash on cotton candy or a hot dog, but Judal was all about the goal, tugging him down the boardwalk towards the spinning Ferris wheel.

One dollar each was an appropriate price, Hakuryuu thought, for such an experience. Soon, they were sitting together, a swooning feeling rising in Hakuryuu's stomach as they began to rise higher and higher.

His concentration was broken by a cackle of laughter from Judal, who pulled out a few tampons from his pocket. Leaning over the edge, he pretended to aim like a sniper into the queue far below.

"Judal, dont!" Hakuryuu sputtered, but not before he burst into laughter. Only Judal.

He shivered. It was a little colder up here than down below. It was brighter too, like they were riding inside a shooting star, white and pink and blue and yellow lights humming.

Judal lowered his weapon of choice. "Hey, you're shivering." He said, eyebrows raised. They were at the top, looking down at all the world.

Time slowed, then swayed to a stop. "I'm not that cold, really." Hakuryuu tried to insist. His heart was beating funny. Why, every time that he looked away from Judal, would his eyes go right back to him?

He felt a tug in his chest. It was unfamiliar. It scared him a little. He leaned closer on the seat, accidentally placing his hand over Judal's.

It was strange; in that instant, he could feel heat and assurance washing over him. Together, at the top of the world. Judal smiled... Softly. Not his usual grin. "This is really something, huh Ryuu? I'm glad I got to-"

Before he could finish, Hakuryuu leaned in. He felt something buzzing like electricity in the air around him, warm and light. Judal looked briefly surprised before he allowed himself to become interrupted. He put a hand to Hakuryuu's cheek, drawing him in.

It was weird, but it felt like they were kissing for the first time. Hakuryuu closed his eyes, their noses bumping slightly before their lips brushed together, locking in a soft embrace.


	21. Chapter 21

"Love." Hakuryuu murmured. "Judal, I don't even-" Maybe he did know what it meant. He knew how it felt. He looked down. The air felt tingly. Like it was waiting.

He straightened up. "I... I'm in love with you Judal, of course I am, I always was!" Growing bolder, his face hot, he steamrolled on. "I loved you for years, I loved you when you weren't there, I'm so in lo-"

Judal burst into laughter. "Jeez Ryuu, I knew that. No one had to tell me that. Why do you think I was so torn when you didn't try to find me? But..."

Hakuryuu tackled him, pulling him into soft kiss after kiss, his heart hammering. "I'm here I'm here, I'm with you!" He sputtered when he pulled back, lying mostly on Judal's chest. "And I told you already, I'm not going anywhere ever again, okay?"

"You better not." He looked up, his pupils like coals in the bottom of a hearth. "But by God will I keep loving you. Because I can't help it."

Hakuryuu leaned closer over him, feeling dazed. Nothing else mattered. It would all come back soon, but right then, nothing else mattered. "Ju," he said softly, his toes curling in his boots in anticipation, "I wanna make love to you."

Juda kissed a line up his neck before reaching his ear. "I really missed you..." He purred into it, his cheeks dusted red.

Hakuryuu shivered, moving a little further down his chest. "I'll take my time then. I'll make every inch of you feel loved."

Judal's hand slipped quickly between their bodies, cupping him. "Hmm. It's that kind. I can bend it to any shape I want?"

"D-don't put it like that." He snorted, imagining what shapes Judal could make. "But yes...." He leaned up, their lips ghosting, breath mingling.

The door opened with a hard clang. Hakuryuu yelped, leaping off Judal with all the energy of a coiled spring. Fuck.

"You're done in here. We're moving you back." A guard beckoned. Hakuryuu got up slowly, sending a look at Judal, who got up too, grinning, shooting him a wink.

Flushing, he faced front, wondering when they could next meet up. Was that so wrong? This wasn't the right time or place. Hell, nowhere had ever been. But if he was going to be stuck here with someone, it might as well be him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** Hakuryuu has a bendable/repositionable penile insert, which is what Judal was referring to when he said he could make it 'any shape' he wanted
> 
> (also sorry its so short im working on another one at the same time that i'll start posting soon!)


	22. Chapter 22

"Mom, I don't understand." Hakuryuu picked at the thick bandages around his stump. "Why... Would you do that?" His voice cracked a little.

It was a mild August afternoon. The rental house was quiet, except for bees humming in the planter outside the kitchen window.

"Honey, it wasn't my fault!" His mother turned towards him, holding a loaf of banana bread, just out of the oven. "I'll tell you why, okay? I knew you would be just fine, because Jesus said so. Jesus knew that Daddy and your brothers had badness in their hearts. The only way to free them from their sin was to make it so they could truly repent!"

Hakuryuu blinked back a tear in his uncovered eye, the other one plastered with bandages. "But my brothers... Dad..."

"Jesus wanted the fire to cleanse them. Can't you understand that?" She smiled, but Hakuryuu's stomach turned.

He couldn't believe it. What his brother said was right. The first pieces of his heart began to petrify that day. "Who cares?" He finally mumbled. "I don't even like Jesus, if he wanted Dad and Hakuyuu and Hakuren to..."

A sharp smack landed on Hakuryuu's bandaged cheek. He doubled, putting his hand to his face. "Mom-"

"Get outside. Go outside and pray right now, and you might get forgiven for saying those things."

His face sticky with tears, he ran for the screen door. He wanted to get away. He wanted Hakuei. His legs carried him unwillingly through groves of apple and peach and plum until he collapsed in the sunflowers.

Nothing smelled right to him anymore. Even these flowers smelled only of rot. He whimpered, pressing his palm into his eye. He never wanted to pray again.

Something inside him howling, he stood up, lashing at the flowers, uprooting and snapping their stems, stamping on the petals with his bare feet until he'd cleared out a scar in the garden for himself.

For a moment or two, he felt eyes on him. Al Tharmen all lived together on these miles of farmland. What if someone saw him destroying his mother's flowers? He sobered instantly, looking around, but there was no one in sight, and the shadows were too deep.

He sunk down again, curling up in a ball. It didn't matter. But Judal was watching that day too, the boy handpicked to be a priest.

Judal sat, legs crossed, hidden by the flowers. His outfit weighed on him, and finding a little solitude in the shadows cooled him off too. He knew what had happened. Of course he did. His mind struggled to process it in an effective way.

He read the Bible, and murder was a sin. Then why did Holy Mother Gyoukuen kill her family? (Then why had he been asked to kill, over and over and over again?)

He didn't know what they were really following, and it made his head hurt. He'd begun to realize everyone, everyone in the world had parents of their own, and he seemed to have none.

Gyoukuen's child was, by then, irreparably disfigured. The burns were still raw and hot, like leeches eating away at the remaining healthy skin. The bandages wrapped around the stump were getting filthy in the dirt.

Judal didn't understand why they would go to such lengths to please him, to give him toys, to go against scripture to give him comfort in his own body, to pamper him all his life like he was special, when he and Gyoukuen's child were exactly the same. Equal. Was he special?

He made up his mind to talk to them. To find out if it was true. To be his friend. Friend; a warm flower opened in his chest. He'd seen friends on television, and holding hands in picture books. If all those flat illustrations could be friends, he could make one too.


	23. Chapter 23

It was raining when Hakuryuu went.

Hot, lashing rain, pouring down on the little house and the huge church like waterfalls. He woke up to darkness, thunder growling outside. His stump throbbed. Slowly, he forced himself up. It was Sunday, his least favorite day. He pulled on the most masculine clothes his mother would allow him; capris and a t shirt with a little dragon logo sewn into the pocket.

He looked around his room, briefly. It felt empty. There wasn't a single thing he was really attached to.

Stepping out into the hall, he could see his sister in a floor length dress, heading for the stairs. "Hakuei, wait," he said quickly, "where are you going?"

She looked up, her eyes completely kind (as always). "Hey, there's my little Brother." She said, enunciating the last word. He flushed. He thought he told her not to talk about his secret if someone could hear! "I have to help set things up this morning. Since the priest in training ran away, they've been a little short."

Something felt wrong. It always felt wrong, like the shadows in the house and the stairwell were reaching fuzzy hands into his vision. "Okay." He said simply.

Hakuei stepped back up to the landing. "Do you remember what I told you?"

Of course he did. "That I had to be strong."

"You still do." She put a hand on his shoulder. "You're always carrying something the rest of us don't. I know it's not my place to hold that weight."

He felt something oddly final pass between them. "I trust you..." She trailed off. "I trust that you'll do the right thing. Whatever that is." Hakuryuu nodded. She took her hand back. "See you later, okay?"

He forgot to reply as she headed downstairs.

A week ago, the boy they were raising as a priest suddenly left. He either had help, or was incredibly good at hiding, because none of the search parties had been able to find him. Of course, no one in the community would turn to the police, "hands of the corrupted state" or whatever it was they were saying now.

Hakuryuu was oddly jealous. He knew he had no chance of running, no real opportunity for freedom, but that boy had gotten away. What he'd give to take his place.

He drifted back into his room, feeling water suddenly against his skin. He jumped. Someone had opened his window, rain blown inside by the wind. Maybe he opened it. He forgot things easily these days.

He moved to look out the window, spotting hundreds of cars. He'd almost forgotten that this week, followers of his mother's church from all over would be staying here. It made him a little sick.

How could Hakuei even stand to help? She knew everything as well as he did. It was clear how much she was blocking out.

His foot hit something under the window. A damp backpack. He crouched down, unzipping it, surprised to find it full of clothes. He started to unpack it, stacking the clothes neatly. Along with the clothes, he found a packet of seeds, a hair-cutting razor, a wallet full of cash, and a long, wicked knife.

Hakuryuu looked back out the window. Everyone would be in the church.

Everything burned. His hand tightened on the knife, and the rain poured. He hated them. Everyone, everything, his mother, the monsters in the church, he hated them with everything he had. It was all that he was.

He wanted to be free too. Forcing the knife out of his hand, he dressed in his new clothes, tossing the other ones aside. He slithered quickly down the drain pipe. Now was the time, he could go, he could leave.

The lure of freedom was more drawing than the promise of entering the church and killing everyone right then and there. The thought scared him a little, but he'd been having thoughts like it for years, so what did this one matter? He had the knife.

He ran off into the corn, towards the main road, wet leaves trailing against his arms. Lightening hissed and broke the sky above his head.

Where would he go? Perhaps the city. He would go to the city and- No, he had to, he would find every single person who supported his mother, who knew what had happened to his family, who (and he knew what the did in the church most nights with fire and metal, what they did to sinners) allowed these terrible things to take place, and he would be the archangel tearing them down.

He was strong, and his hatred made him stronger, and it made him feel clouded, like his conscience couldn't see anymore through the window of his heart.

 

***

Judal didn't know what the word love meant. There was never a parent to hold his hand while they walked across the street. Never any friends to share snacks or secrets with. He was a project.

He didn't know what love meant until he started watching Hakuryuu. Watched him dig in the sandbox clumsily with one arm. Practice using his prosthetic, doing stretches on the lawn.

Hakuryuu was so flawed, but that made him flawless in Judal's eyes. At the end of the day, he wanted to laugh it off, make it a joke like everything else, but even never having talked once to Hakuryuu, he felt an intense urge to protect him. To grow close to him.

He was a star, a lily scooped from the dark water and held secure.

Judal never did speak to him, not for years. But he watched Hakuryuu grow, and as the passion for vengeance overwhelmed an led became him, that made Judal only like him more.

He inspired him. Judal ached like a canker sore, bitter and raw. What would his life have been like if he were left with his real family? Would he have turned out okay? Sometimes when he looked at his hands they seemed stained with blood, even if they were perfectly clean.

He could be like Hakuryuu. He could harbor that fire within himself. If only he could talk to him.

One day, something happened. Judal blocked it out, utterly, completely. But the pain and anger was still there, and he finally made his move. Under the cover of darkness, he did what he had to and ran, with more than enough money, hormones and clothes.

But Hakuryuu. He was still trapped. Judal walked miles to the next town, buying a hiking backpack and filling it with all the things he thought Hakuryuu would like. He was no good alone; he needed Hakuryuu to be out here with him.

They could do this together.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to say, but this is the second to last chapter! I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope everyone who has read this far enjoyed it :)   
> I want to acknowledge that I haven't been entirely factually correct when it comes to the technicalities of transitioning! I want to portray trans people, like myself, in a more accurate way in the future, like in my next fic!   
> Once again, thank you all for reading!!!

Sinbad watched Hakuryuu carry a tray of mashed potatoes to the cafeteria window. There was a smile on his face... He knew it would work. His plans always went through. Well, almost always.

Even if he'd gotten a little beat up, there was a very happy look showing through the bruises on Hakuryuu's face. Sinbad knew he wasn't exactly a force of good, but at least taking care of his own felt right.

Ja'far smiled, purposefully bumping into his side on the way past. "I see it worked."

Sinbad followed him on his path across the kitchen. "When do I fail with things like this?" He bent down. "I made another arrangement today. Tell people to start giving names. I'm only taking about fifteen with me."

Ja'far jumped. "Sin, so soon? I didn't know you were this close to... Is the money ready?"

"Of course the money is ready, do I look like an idiot? We only get fifteen, and one hour to get out. But once we do, it'll all be taken care of." He smiled easily.

Ja'far leaned up to kiss his cheek, a truly earnest look in his eyes. "I knew you could. There's nothing beyond you, Sin. For how big of a lazy asshole you can be sometimes..."

Praise from Ja'far always made his heart swell, even if he'd never show it. It meant more from him. He simply nodded, overlooking the kitchen. "Ah, I know. Just remember, I need fifteen names and soon. That includes us and Masrur and Drakon and Sharkkan..." He started to count on his fingers. "Okay, that's seven. Eight more."

"I understand... How should I be picking?"

"Eh. Maybe just ask around? People in our area though. Maybe Hakuryuu." He honestly wasn't sure if that kid should be loosed on the public again, but that raised the question; should he himself be either?

Ja'far sighed. "If you really want to, I won't question it."

"I'll talk to him. See what he thinks." Sinbad crossed his arms. "Come on, who wouldn't jump at this opportunity? I guess he'll want to take somebody with him, but that leaves us with six more spots."

"That's enough." Ja'far shrugged. "I'll meet you after dinner with more names."

He bent down, quickly pecking his lips. "Gotcha."

Ja'far stalked away, his freckles darkened by his blush, muttering under his breath. A good day's work, Sinbad appraised himself. Soon, they'd be out of here, and right back to where they left off.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!! This is the last chapter! I hope everyone liked it!!!!
> 
> A Big Ol Thank you to everyone who read or left kudos <3

It was warm, for March. Birds flew above the yard, landing together and clustering on the high edges of the prison. The air bit less; the cold had a soothing edge, a reminder that warmer days would come.

Hakuryuu spectated the recently fixed basketball court; Alibaba and a few others in the work crews had decided that bringing an old hoop out of storage and bringing it back to life would benefit everyone, and the officers gave their blessing.

Alibaba was surprisingly fantastic, beating Cassim nearly every round. Cassim scowled every time Alibaba scored, which was humorous in itself, but Hakuryuu needed only to wait for Alibaba's "victory dances" which gave him secondhand embarrassment to watch.

Judal stirred a little on his shoulder, from where they sat, backs against the fence. "Is it time to go in?" He rubbed at one sleepy mahogany eye. "How long did I nap?"

"I'd say twenty minutes." Hakuryuu took his hand, rubbing it a little. "How are you not cold?" He was still wearing Judal's windbreaker, which the other had given him once they got outside.

"Aw, you know me Ryuu. Tough skinned." He stuck his tongue out a little. "Besides, I have my own little heating pad right here." He snuggled a little closer, until Hakuryuu flushed, averting his eyes.

A real handful, that's what Judal was. But having him back was like finding a piece of himself again. And he loved him. "So, that's all I am to you." He sighed, overly dramatic. "A heating pad."

"Oh no, you're much more than that, Ryuu. You're a pillow!" He laid his head back on Hakuryuu's shoulder.

"This feels almost normal." Hakuryuu held back a laugh.

Judal didn't answer, his gaze quickly shifted to the group in the corner. "Something is different over there. That Sinbad moron looks like he's got something to say." It was true; Sinbad and five or so other men clustered together, all speaking hurriedly.

Hakuryuu watched for a bit. "I'm sure it doesn't concern us. Basketball is more interesting to me. You don't even know how lucky you were to be asleep, I had to watch Alibaba dance just now at least five times."

Judal made a face. "Oh. Shit, I guess I was lucky to be asleep. Once we had a party here and he..." He shuddered. "It made the guards never want to let us do that again."

Hakuryuu laughed this time. "See? Normal. He lifted Judal's head, feeling his soft cheek before quickly giving him a kiss.

Judal wasn't having it when he pulled away. He leaned even further over Hakuryuu, drawing out the kiss. "That's better."

"I think... I think wherever we go, if we have each other, we'll be okay. I won't let you get taken from me again. Ever." Hakuryuu said quietly.

"Then we're as good as married. Which I'm not complaining about."

"Marry you? You're joking." Hakuryuu huffed, rolling his eyes.

Judal curled back up at his side, a little smile still on his lips. "Or am I?" He murmured before he drifted back to sleep.

There was nothing wrong with this. He and Judal had been through a lifetime of pain. Hakuryuu leaned back under the soft, cool sheets of sunlight, closing his eyes. Now they would have a lifetime together.


End file.
